John Boehner’s “Principles”

Nansie Baloehnee’s spine apparently remains in storage somewhere in Westchester along with his testicles. The Capitulator’s late life conversion comes safely at a time when he need not risk appearing humane, rational, or “soft on drugs.” Claiming that his thinking on cannabis has “evolved,” Weepy John suddenly realizes that:

(1) Enough angry old voters are now dead. No need for frightened and timid Republicans to continue the sadistic cruelty of prohibition, and

(2) He’s out of office. What does he care what silly voters believe?

But most of all, after shilling for the Drug Lords of Reynolds American for decades, he now finds that Acreage Holdings is also offering cash.

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