“Pleasant Noises” (11 November 2011)
I’m making Pleasant Noises with my face.
Meaningless pleasant noises with my face.
How we doin’? Same ol’ same ol. Watchya gonna do?
How about them Reds (or Bengals), will they follow through?
How about this weather, isn’t it a pain?
And if it doesn’t clear up soon I think it’s gonna rain.
If I made a table, I’d have a place to eat.
And if I made a sofa, I’d have a comfy seat.
If I made an outhouse, I’d have someplace to go.
But if all I “make” is small talk, then what have I got to show?
From making pleasant noises with my face.
Meaningless pleasant noises with my face.
“Our Selection” (24 June 2013)
[because I work at the QuikkStopp, and it says “drug dealer” on my tax return]
Oh, we’ve got…
Alcohol, acetominophen,
Fanolidine and ibuprofen,
Caffeine, nicotine, melatonin,
And bismuth subsalicylate.
Acetyl salicylic acid,
Boner pills if you feel flaccid.
Phenylephrine hydrochloride,
Dextromethorphan hydrobromide,
Doxylamine succinate
And chlorphenamine maleate.
Ranitidin and gualfenesin,
Diphenhydramine, what a blessin’!
Pyrilamine maleate,
We got the stuff to set you straight.
We got the stuff to get you tight,
Or to keep you up all night.
“Sucker Bucks” (30 April 2014)
I pulled in to the QuikkStopp, to check my manifest.
The price I saw for gasoline, it put me to the test.
The sign said, “Bring your silver, we’ll gladly make a deal.
For just two Silver Dollars, a full tank and a good hot meal.”
A paper “dollar” don’t go too far
When you try to put gasoline in your car.
Groceries, rent, and an MP3,
Underwear and an orange tree.
A six-pack, chips, or a pack of smokes,
Them sucker bucks are a sad sad joke.
So they call it “Quantitative Easin’,”
But it’s their skids they’re greasin’.
The Banksters keep on squeezin’,
And the workers take their beatin’.
We’re just tryin’ to make a livin’,
But we’re givin’ up on givin’
Our hopes or votes to more rich parasites.
It’s long past time that we adjust our sights.
If you make it from silver, or you make it from gold,
You’ll give it some value a man can hold.
If you give it some weight he can feel in his hand,
Then good’s good enough for the workin’ man.
Liz’ll Haunt Us (6 June 2016) or There’s a hoax upon us —
Though she claims to be an eighth Cherokee,
A nicer Senator there’ll never be.
Donald Trump assails her integrity
And says, “She’s a goofus.”
Backroom deals and sleazy politics
Is how he plans to fool you rural hicks.
You keep falling for those shabby tricks.
Now! Who’s a goofus?
“We Adore Ya” (11 November 2016)
Though Leonard never found the chord
That resonated with the horde,
He knew that the selective few would celebrate his point of view,
And we would all be singing “We adore ya!”
“Your body fails, your mind’s adrift, your soul receives its final lift
And you ascend to vaulted skies before ya.
We adore ya!”
“Oh, Raaaab!” (27 January 2017)
Who just brought our mood down with “good-bye”?
Who just spent a lifetime showing
That she could do anything that she tried?
Well, she’s a Thoroughly Modern Icon,
In Sitcom Heaven they’re leaving the lights on!
Her humor is eternal do not mistake us.
Though tragedy abounds it does not break us!
We’re so much richer for the ride,
(bomp bomp bomp bomp bomp bomp bomp bomp bomp)
We all just love Rob Petrie’s bride!
19 April 2017 — He is The Asshole Who Speaks English,
But he doesn’t know what to say.
When you ask him, “How we doin’?”
He wants you to go away.
Because he knows that “we” is a pronoun
That always includes the speaker.
And the more that children misuse their tools,
The more their work gets weaker.
190611
Greeeeeeen Arrow is a groovy guy!
Not your ordinary super spy.
Shoots arrows with a boxing glove,
Dates Canary and calls her his lady love!
Tangled Legs Stupor — 17 March 2021 ( — by Doctor Staccato )
I know that I’m fine, and I know that I’m choice,
Said Cardi B’s girlfriend, but speaking of moist,
And speaking of pussy and fur patch and gash,
And writhing gyrations that give you a rash.
I don’t like to nag, but I’m telling you, Lez,
You sure do look hot wearing nothing but fez!
210317 — Vac Scene (meter stolen from Dolly Parton)
Hank Aaron put it to the test, and now he takes his final rest,
But you can’t blame it on our great vaccine.
Ol’ Marvin Hagler took his shot, and with us further he is not,
But it’s because you skeptics are so mean!
Vaccine! Rapine! It’s all obscene!
Please don’t shoot me up with RNA.
No unknown sera in my arm, I know you say it does no harm,
But you won’t say what side effects are seen.
It’s time that we just quit the whole vac’ scene!
191209 — Put on a Phony Face ( pique at the QuikkStopp™ )
Let’s not pretend we’re buddies, let’s not pretend we’re friends.
I want this nightmare over, when will it ever end?
Make your purchase, and get out the door,
And bug me tonight no more!
920401 – w/Drama Queen
Take off the dirty diapers, put on a happy butt!
Rinse out the baby wipers, put on a happy butt!
Spread pooties all over her face, and put on a happy butt!
A-ning, a-ning, a-ning a-ning a-ning!
( DQ suggested that people might call Child Services if they could hear us sing, but we seem to have gotten away with it. Though she seemed to love our routine at the time, L’Historienne remains free to register her complaints or embarrassment, albeit three decades later. )