undated, ca 1998? — Diva Dearest: No one makes me laugh like you do, and no one I know laughs at my jokes the way you do. I did have a rollicking good time at work tonight, and most of my material was well received, but there were moments when I wished you could be there with us. You always make good times better.
In addition to sharing the same brain (mostly) I guess our strongest bond has to be that we share the same bad joke center in our brains. (Was delicious blitzed bird — er — potted poultry — er — roast chicken)
I know you understand that I work this hard and this much for all of us, but I’m afraid sometimes that I shouldn’t be enjoying work as much as I do. Why should I be having such fun when you’re stuck home? It doesn’t seem fair, but then I’m the sort of person who’s going to have fun no matter what. There’s GOT to be a pony in here somewhere!
I look forward to the time when I can be comfortable in taking it easier and not struggling so much to bring money into our lives and fighting to pay down our enormous debts. I guess I can be a bit of a prick about it, but I feel strongly that we need this income to establish a little well-deserved and long overdue security. Any way, I love you, and I’m sorry I can’t be as present as you’d like. Yer sweetie always…
11 January 1999 — Whatever you want, dear,
as long as you keep lifting your butt in the air for me.
update 210227: As I recall, she did ask me to put it in writing.
3 May 2000 — Should the horrific actually occur, & my airplane ends up at the bottom of the sea, please always remember that… Outrigger and Hilton owe us $.
14 February 2001 — Words once so abundant and beautiful,
have lately seemed so empty and debased.
update 210109: Said “masterwork” is now available (see West of ’89)
“Granny” and “Pops” were clever allusions to Major Doma‘s pregnancy;
Drama Queen later expressed her preference for “Fairy God Mother”
She succumbed to a lifetime of physical ailments in 2017
(see Eulogy for a Drama Queen.)
Milli succumbed to elements unknown in 2015
(see Richard Milhous Nixon Brave Brave Sir Robin Axis Greigh)
And as far as Sugar and Bud go… I think I may be on probation.
(see Singled Down)
30 September 2008
Your entreaties do not fall on deaf ears. There is much to ponder these days, from cookies to colleges and everything in between. It would not be prudent at this juncture to commit beyond the letter of our agreement without an income (& I am looking for work, alas!) but while weighing matters I am delighted to make interest free advance childcare payments while I consider options. I would also retroactively adjust payments based on any increase in income (so I’ll get back to it!) We’ll continue this discussion anon, but for now I hope this helps.
update 210227: The cited advance payments were never actually deducted from future scheduled child support agreements after all. I was fortunate enough to be able to help her out and let it go, though my wording did turn out to be a little contentious anyway. But that was probably just knee-jerk Former Arch Nemesis reflexes on her part.
19 June 2022 — Dear Early Riser,
I was saddened to learn, from Stargazer, via L’Historienne, that you’d taken another spill. At one time I imagined that I’d be there for you, to catch you or to even prevent such mishaps.
Even though you have long ago released me from my pledge to protect and support you through trials, tribulation, and trysts, and because I always retain original affections, I still feel as if I have disappointed and betrayed us both.
I hope you mend well and soon, and that your prospective accommodations are both suitable and harmonious.
Love always, Lethargy Lad
post script: Because of my peculiar cognitive attributes, I’ve tended to give off mixed signals, so many have allowed their erroneous expectations to disappoint them. I commiserate. Rational expectations are based on evidence, and because I often SOUND smart, many people assume that I AM smart. Sorry, but I’m just a clever idiot savant, whose childhood led him to believe that every conflict MUST lead to violence. So, by avoiding violence, I avoided confrontation, which ultimately denied me intimacy.
You learned better. Diva Dearest learned better. Missus Axis learned better. “Who’s next?” I wonder.
8 July 2022 — found this, seems apt: “If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” – Anne Lamott
3 September 2022 — Dear Early Riser,
Please accept my congratulations on the successful completion of jour Three Score and Ten, and upon the commencement of jour Eighth Decade! I wish I could be presenting you with a German Chocolate Cake and otherwise helping you to celebrate so auspicious an event! I am almost breathless at the rush of time. As I write this, I am now, to the nearest month, 6 decades, 6 years, and 6 months old, and I reflect that it is a mere thirty-six years and eight months since my misbegotten and ill-conceived effort to commemorate your thirty-three and a third. Duegpd gayen jakket jolof pfogs hlah wed tju, foxio gawenk edji oimhoot yobur wed, ftjup ikol jix ffikus gaen omtugv yxed rjewm qik, gocow fuk.
Happy Birthday and Fondest Wishes for Joyous Memories!