25 February 2022
As kindly and benign as the intent was, I just couldn’t bring myself to answer the phone today. Mrs Axis likes to think she still cares, I presume, and maybe she does, but I’m not a fan of birthdays, in particular, nor of holidays in general. I like to be happy when I’m happy. Smiling on cue doesn’t work for me. Off stage, anyway. I’ll put on Christmas music in July if I feel like it, but I am not apt to take notice of “normal” birthdays or holidays. I am well beyond the single digits, and, at sixty-six, I’m even past the fractions of a century. And this one also doesn’t end in a zero. So I’ll just pass on courting more trouble this time, thanks.
8 September 2022
Try as I do to avoid them, they still tend to crowd my head. The pressure is particularly great during this upcoming Nativity Season. Contra Vivaldi, I think there should be more than just Four Seasons. There’s baseball, harvest, Christmas, planting, skiing… lots of seasons, and many of them overlap. For me, the Nativity Season begins in a day or so, on Early Riser‘s birthday. Within a week it will be Diva Dearest‘s, then in another two weeks more or less it will be Bud‘s, and three weeks after that will be Sugar‘s. Four birthdays in six weeks may not seem like a lot of pressure, but these four ARE a big deal, and always will be. These four are among the people (other than my own children) whom I’ve loved the most, and whose absence I still regularly mourn. All four of them have had their fill of me and have thrown me out. I never stopped loving them, and I never will, irrespective of whatever (real or imagined) crimes of which they will accuse me. It’s not a contradiction to have mixed emotions. I can respect your skills and still abhor your character. Or vice versa. Your mileage may vary.
5 March 2023 — Over and over, perhaps I need to rethink this stuff. As loathsome as holidays are to me, I must remember that I am the outlier here. So, no more generic “birthday season” greetings. Next time (or never) it’s going to be SPECIFIC! One card each! Doesn’t matter if it’s trite, puerile, or superficial. ONE CARD EACH! (May be too late for some, but…)