Liberty Carols (3 July 1990)
Sad King George the Third gave thought to the Revolution.
Would France intervene, he feared, in social evolution?
The traitors in the Colonies were kicking up a ruckus,
Shouting out their battle cry, “England shall not fuck us!”
Chicken roasting on a barbecue,
Sunburn peeling off your nose.
Cold beer bubbling in a twelve-ounce glass,
And beach sand sticking to your toes.
Everybody knows, a blanket and a volleyball,
Will draw the dudes and babes to you…
Sun splashed days, and a dip in the sea,
Will make a body feel brand new!
Que Sera Blah Blah (22 March 1996)
I had a hungry little girl, I asked her sweetly,
“What shall we eat?
Should we have pretzels, should we have chips?”
Here’s what she said to me,
“Quesadillas, please!
And make them with extra cheese.
No salsa, it makes me sneeze.
Quesadillas please.”
9 August 2005 — Hot Tub! Bubblin’ Jacuzzi!
Roll up the eyeballs, take a little snoozie!
Hot Tub! Isn’t it a doozie?
Sit too long start to get a little woozy!
All day, slavin’ in the hot sun,
Soak up to your chin and listen to the pump hum!
C’m’on honey, don’t you fret!
We’ll get nekkid and we’ll get wet!
Have a ball, in the bubblin’ pot!
Do it all, while the water is hot!
Have a good time,
In the hot tub, the Jacuzzi!
“Uncertain Origin” (26 June 2010)
I don‘t know who wrote this but I like it. I found it recently, dated and in my hand, but not clearly quoted. I do not remember composing or transcribing it.
Buoys like crones, Rocking in their seats
And nodding to the rhythm of their lives.
“You Need Bob Loblaw” (5 June 2018)
( — or — Joanie Loves Litigation)
dedicated to lawyers and other sufferers of arrested development
If you got troubles,
If you got legal woes,
Just give a call to Bob Loblaw.
He’ll file your papers,
He’ll get your probate through,
You can rely on Bob Loblaw.
“Ow Ow Ooo, Ow Ow Ooo Ooo Ooo!”
You slipped and fell one day.
“Ow Ow Ooo, Ow Ow Ooo Ooo Ooo!”
Call Loblaw right away!
You’ll see — HOW — far your case goes,
When you work with Bob Loblaw.
You’ll see — HOW — much your purse grows,
They cough up for Bob Loblaw.
Sue the bastards,
Every cent they own,
With the help of Bob Loblaw.
From their mansions
To their mobile homes,
They’ll remember Bob Loblaw.
“Ow Ow Ooo, Ow Ow Ooo Ooo Ooo!”
For injunctions they will call!
{“Ow Ow Ooo, Ow Ow Ooo Ooo Ooo!”}
{ Is the refrain of Bob Loblaw. }
{……repeat and fade?……}
“For each Whitney and her own Special Bobby*) 11 July 2018
(* –or– Rhianna gets it! Just not hard or often enough, apparently.)
Oh, I wanna fight with somebody!
I wanna get hit by somebody,
Wanna get smacked by somebody,
Somebody who loves me enough to punch!
(If all she ever wanted was Moe, she should probably have told him.)
(Is a smoke no longer a smoke? Is groovin’ no longer groovin’?)
(Who’s been wasting his time time laughing laughing with his friends?)
“The Nattering Spokesmodels) (28 April 2019)
meter (and some lyrics) stolen from Paul Henning
Come and listen to my story ‘bout gal named Jed,
Whose right wing opinions are rarely left unsaid,
She takes her position on the couch with Pete and Griff
To add a touch o’ color to a couple o’ stiffs.
(Jenkins, right? Hegseth, too.)
On The View mean Joy tried to put her in her place
Because she wouldn’t kowtow to the hustlers of race.
She thinks that people should be judged just by their deeds,
With no thought given to imaginary needs.
(EBT? Food Stamp Cards? SNAP it up!)
Well, then, Fox News said to soar along with us
And leave those losers just a-chokin’ on yer dust!
(Bile, that is. Jealousy.)
(intermezzo)
And now it’s time to brace ourselves for Jedediah’s spin,
And thank our loyal viewers for always tuning in.
You’re all encouraged every week to watch on your TV,
And get a heapin’ helpin’ of our ideology.
(Neo-con. Regime change. Ya’ll watch out now, y‘hear?)
(13 March 2020) Wuhan Flu®, fears of pandemic,
What to do? Stock up or panic?
We’ll get through this epidemic,
Wuhan Flu is asymptomatic!
First you get a tickle in your throat and then you sneeze.
Your eyes begin to water, and congestion makes you wheeze.
Fatigue and then the nausea will drive you to your knees.
And as your fever rises, we can hear your frantic pleas:
“It isn’t MY Corona®!
“Whuh — whuh — whuh — Why Corona®?”
“Particular Pupil” (17 April 2020)
She loves the harsh way that you reprimand her,
She loves the way you scold her, too-oo.
She won’t take correction from ‘nybody else,
She loves nobody else’ butt chew!
Anal Swab (22 May 2020)
(meter stolen from Richard Rodgers & Oscar Hammerstein)
Anal swab, anal swab, CoViD™ microbes are sneaky!
In my nose, I suppose, but why must technicians poke me?
Virus of Wuhan so small and tight,
In my rectum far out of sight.
Anal swab, anal swab, leering nurses can eat me.
“Din Geisel” (21 July 2020)
I am not like you Doctor Strange.
Not in my home nor on the range.
I fail to master magic spells,
Those noxious brews and horrid smells.
I cannot hack your incantations.
Necromantic imprecations
Awe the likes of Wong and Clea.
But mispronounced exhortations
Give mortal fools cause to fea’
“Wondervision” (8 August 2020)
He crafts polychrome progressions for each song!
With those syncopated rhythms
He just can’t go wrong!
The music’s hot!
The lyric’s tight!
He keeps me dancin’ through the night!
I just can’t get. E-nough of. Stevie!