12 August 2020
Dear Correspondent JS:
Thanks so much for your kind words. The “QuikkStopp™” where I work is located at Exit Sissin Nyn on Interstate Sekki Sen in northeast Cincinnatistan. In fact it is a gasoline station and convenience shop, sharing space with Drunk’n Dimwits™ and Chik’n’n’Biskits™. I would very much appreciate your NOT making any specific issue out of my own masklessness as you laud me, or management policy, to management itself (we are a large district chain.)
The two relevant management policies throughout the QuikkStopp™ empire are as follows:
We are NOT the “Mask Police.” Employees have no authority to enforce, and are discouraged from even mentioning, Malefic Mike’s statewide masking diktat. We welcome every naked face that enters the store.
Employees are to be masked while on duty. I have advised my shop manager that I would not be complying with this and attempted to apologize in advance if firing me constituted any hassle for him (It would, I am an extremely valuable employee), but he cut me off, pointed to my bandana and said, “That’s fine. Just don’t say anything else I don’t need to hear.” He’s obviously hoping I get away with it too.
So yeah! Please do stop in if you’re close! And then call the big guns and tell them how much you appreciate our not giving customers flak about their missing muzzles.
Work hard, rest easy, laugh often, and love endlessly. And breathe free!
Yr Obt Svt,
Gene Greigh
update 210315: Sorry if I’ve left anyone hanging, or otherwise left questions unresolved. Upper (or middle) management finally did reach the limits of their patience with me, just a couple of weeks after I had composed the above. Now, whether they opined that my unteamly behavior was an egregious social problem, or whether my specific misbehavior might be seen as compromising their financial well-being, is entirely irrelevant. It was entirely their call (as it is their shop), and I have no ill feeling towards accountants being attentive to the bottom line, nor to shop managers following through on their pledges to middle (or upper) management.