It began, I am told (by parents and an older brother who were all there), with the English language. I did not speak for well past the expected period, and folks were beginning to wonder, “Is there something wrong with that boy?” As it turned out, there was. Nevertheless, one day at dinner I suddenly spewed forth both proper grammar and genteel table etiquette. (“Please pass the potatoes.”)
The painfully embarrassing cognitive debility extended to junior juniorhigh French also, constituting my single scholastic failure, as well as to Les Mysteres Cybernetique. And of course, Earth People. I’m an asshole who speaks English. If that’s going to bug you or you think you have no time for an arrogant jerk who thinks he’s better’n you ’cause he can spell, parse, and rhyme you might want to skip this section. Otherwise I hope you’ll have fun, and maybe even help me to understand better.
Another Contradiction? More Fun with English
7 January 2022
When something is said to “glow” it is usually implied that it is filled with hope or joy or happiness or excitement, or that it is pregnant, or that it is literally radiating heat and light. Yet when we glower it is common to infer that we are in a dark mood.
My Pronouns are I, I Me Mine, I Me Mine
11 March 2022
My other preferred pronouns are I and You, as in, “I speak English” and “I wish you would too.” Likewise, I am perfectly content to respect anyone’s preferred Proper Noun, as long as they aren’t too much effort to pronounce. I will, however, continue to use standard pronouns based on the context and the evidence. For example, I don’t need to know the sex of the actor who plays Ru Paul or Madea to understand that as far as the respective character is concerned, she is either every inch a lady, or she is an insufferable bitch.
IKYRA (though sometimes just metaphorically)
27 March 2022 (but still echoing July 2019)
For some, apparently, a reliable sex toy becomes less desirable post menopause. Combine that with my poor paddling skills (and they’re not as related as that sounds) and I’m gone like a bad memory and an embarrassing stain.
11 September 2022
When this song (by Paul Overstreet and Don Shlitz) was played specifically for my benefit, I believed every word of it, such as:
“There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me.
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me whenever I fall.
You say it best when you say nothing at all.“
Perhaps I shouldn’t have.
in re “never leav[ing her]:” I wouldn’t have, had I not been sent away.
in re “catch[ing her] whenever [she] fall[s]:” Again, having been dismissed, detached, distrusted, and rescinded, I am no longer in any position to do any catching of falling bodies (through the ceiling or elsewhere.)
That last line about “say[ing] nothing at all,” however, still rings true, though perversely. Saiyng nothing was dangerous too, but it has been vastly less perilous than telling the actual truth.
Alison Krauss – When You Say Nothing At All (Official Video) – YouTube