Category: speech

10 July 2023

“‘Pears I been droppin’ my hook in a fished out crick.”
Jed Clampett

As an ideologue, my favorite living Senator is Rand Paul, but as a fan of wit and rhetorical grace, my current favorite is John Kennedy. His folksy erudition makes me think of Dennis Miller delivering the morning farm report.

10 August 2023
One of my favorite ways of obeying middle management martinets is accurately, thoroughly, and literally.
They usually hate that.
I recall one job (or I may be conflating two or more managers into one) wherein I was directed to account for the time I spent on all of my maintenance tasks for the day. I was firmly informed that filling out these task sheets was now a part of my job, and that compliance was required. Fine by me; it’s their dough, they get to decide how they’re going to spend it. And I’m not a prisoner, so if I want their dough to become mine, I should behave the way they direct, even if I think it is wasteful, foolish, or counter-productive. After about a week the “time sheet” requirement was rescinded. Maybe they didn’t like that just about every other line of mine was accounting for the time that it took to account for the time that it takes to account for time.

18 August 2023
Customers and coworkers often accuse me of being busy and industrious and as having an obvious “Can Do” attitude. I can think of at least two ex-wives, and maybe a couple more former arch nemeses who might disagree, at least with the “busy and industrious” part, and I disagree altogether. I am lazy. I consider it to be one of my fundamental virtues. I am lazy and wise, and I realize that it is generally much easier to do things properly and carefully than to do them over. Also, I’m stubborn, not a fundamental virtue necessarily, but at least a derivative one, so it’s not so much that I have a “Can Do” spirit, but a “fuck you if you think I can’t” attitude instead.

28 July 2023

Your Average Democrat is worse than corrupt.
Your Average Democrat, and (to a somewhat lesser extent)
Your Average Republican are usually sincere and committed. For the most part, they actually believe that what they propose is good for you!

This is why, from a “choice” of “public servants,” I prefer corruption to commitment. The corrupt have a built-in motive to not get caught so they can continue their graft. This restrains them. The committed are convinced that they are doing good. This encourages them to do more damage, so they keep it up until the empire is wasted.

Donald Trump is corrupt.
Your Average Democrat is worse than corrupt.
Jobamala is worse than Your Average Democrat.

15 July 2023

I thought I didn’t care, but apparently, with its expanding and extending new definitions (much like Topsy), “white supremacism” and “white privilege” have embraced me. So I guess I am. But I guess that would also make me an anti-Semitic kike and a misogynistic bitch. Okeh, if you like…

12 July 2023

Sometimes what people hate the most is to be taken seriously. It’s important to me then to take their words at face value. ESPECIALLY if they’re clearly lying to themselves.

15 June 2023

I proudly wear the labels “Globetard,” “Trumpie,” “Fascist,” “Racist,” and “Lib-Rull,” because, algebraically analyzed, scorn from fools is equivalent to praise from sages.

That doesn’t mean that I necessarily agree with these fools (or sages). In fact, I delight in pointing out their factual (and other cognitive) errors. In my pursuit of technical degrees (I took two from Beaver Tech: Physics and Mechanical Engineering), I was acquainted (and conversant) with some rather exotic mathematical processes, involving negative energies, imaginary numbers, and orthogonal time vectors. Fortunately, none of these higher maths are necessary to understanding the Heliocentric Model (of which I am a “Believer”). Even more fortunately, the Heliocentric Model describes (AND PREDICTS) observable celestial phenomena to a degree and accuracy unmatched by any Flat Earth Model yet presented. In that light then, let me examine their view of the typical “Globetard” (see graphic above.)

Item 1: As an atheist I don’t “deny” God’s Creation any more than I “deny” Superman’s Kryptonian origins or Doctor Doom’s maleficent intent. I simply don’t believe some things because they are not believable. They’re often attractive and desirable, but that doesn’t make them credible. I LOVE the message of The Christ, and I try to follow most of it, but I still can’t get over that high curb of incredulity. If I could actually achieve the comforts of belief, why wouldn’t I? If it were volitional. As an empiricist, I evaluate the evidence and the reasoning, and I accept the explanations that provide the best answers while raising the fewest new questions. The honest scientist reaches a point where he must say, “I don’t know.” This is where the mystic says, “God did it.”

Item 2: I have no idea what an “unobservable theory” might be. All theories are observed by the minds who conceive them and by the minds who ponder them. Many theories deal with phenomena that are not DIRECTLY observed, but their effects are. I’ve never seen an electron, but I infer their existence based on the behavior of electrical devices that are consistent with (and predictable from) electromotive theory. I’ve met electricians who believed in both electrons AND their Gods, and they exhibited no difficulty in reconciling the notions with each other.

Item 3 may disqualify me altogether, as I have not even seen an episode of “Ancient Aliens.” However, I believe I am acquainted, through Meme-Space, with its wild-haired presenter/provocateur. Unless that’s some other scientismic foolishness. They do seem to blend together.

Item 4: The tangential speed of the Earth’s surface in the tropics is indeed approximately “1000mph,” and it approaches zero as we near the poles. I lived in Hawaii for several years and never felt that speed. Nor should I have. We don’t feel velocity, even in a jet aircraft nearing the speed of sound. We feel acceleration, and the only acceleration associated with our rotational rate of fifteen degrees per hour is both parallel to the effects of gravitation, and thoroughly overshadowed by it. Okeh, there’s also that coriolis effect when we move orthogonally to rotation, but that’s also pretty much washed out by greater forces. It does become relevant, however, in long-range ballistics, as many a Gunnery Sergeant can attest.

Item 5: My bong (a cherished memento from my late little brother) does depend on gravity (and the attentiveness of stoners) to keep the water in its bottom, and because of the different densities of fluids and gases, gravity allows my bong to operate efficiently. But it’s a better demonstration of fluid dynamics than of celestial mechanics, so I fail to grasp this point (see also “unobservable theory.”) Maybe our use of “Gravity Bongs” renders us unreliable analysts.

Item 6: I don’t have to troll “FE sites.” Flerfers and troofers and other confabulists seek me out because I articulate many criticisms of orthodoxy. I am often looked upon as a fellow traveler by a host of loons. When flerfers do show up to spar, I’ll gleefully engage them. Not to reinforce any “brainwashing” of my own, but to shred theirs. And for sport, of course. Nits deserve to have their wits picked.

Item 7: Never having considered “FE Truthers” to be any more monolithic than cultists in general, I’ve long realized the degree of variety among human “needs,” for acclaim, for satisfaction, or for some sense of responsibility. As a consequence, it neither shocks nor surprises me that some flerfers will blow off inquiries, whereas others will wrestle each point to the ground.

Item 8: Like many an educated globetard, I’m long past questioning why the visible planets were named after “Pagan gods.” As the few spots of light in the sky that were not tied to the general mass of fixed stars, they were clearly special, and not of our ground bound world. And not just “other planets” either. Earth (or Terra, or Gaia), like Luna (or Diana or Selene), is a Pagan god herself. This item feels more like approbation than excoriation.

Item 9: I’ve never asked why things “don’t fall off the edge.”
However, I have wondered why cats haven’t pushed everything off.

Item 10: For all I know, the Big Bong went CLUNK. Considering the density of the Ylem at the time, I can’t even imagine what sound would have meant, let alone positing the existence of an auditory mechanism to process and present it to a consciousness. And whether (as the maths do not deny) the “Big Bang” was a singularity, or yet another oscillation of a greater plenary membrane (as the maths do not deny), if you include the caveat “I don’t know” you can call it Black Magic, or Plenary Theory, or Divine Intervention, all with equal credibility. But to savvy math geeks, Plenary Theory’s in the lead. There are also savvy math geeks who lean toward Divinity. So far I haven’t heard from any Black Magic advocates. This item might be described as a “Straw Wizard argument.” Anyway, whatever the cause, I’m still pretty sure there was no “BOOM.”

6 April 2023

I applaud any performer who can turn his schtick into stacks o’ dough.

If “Let’s Pretend We’re Beer” (Bud Light®) wants to subsidize “Let’s Pretend I’m a Girl” (Dylan Mulvaney®) in return for his endorsement, then I remain uninjured (and uninterested in any beverage with the words “bud” or “light” in its name.) Now I get why Tranheuser-Butsch® is “reaching out” to the “trans community.” Love of alcohol transcends many disparate divisions. But specifically feminine vendors?

Maybe there’s an opportunity here for Magic Myke® Lindell:
“MyTampons® are made from the finest most absorbent Giza Cotton®, from the hot and steamy Giza Valley to your own Brave and Beautiful Barbie Pocket®. MyTampons® are the most comfortable fit imaginable, and if you order now, we’ll throw in free* two MyLyteBeerKoozies®, each embroidered with the images of your favorite trans-activists!”

*Actual baby bedding not available with this offer…
(disclaimer per counselor Kodiap Jizeg)