Category: speech

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Anarchists Rule!

26 July 2022

not a true story:
I tried using L’Hospital’s Rule once, but all the inches were marked “0/0”

a true story: Walking home from work in Corn Valley one day (ca 1984) I spied a large, spray-painted graffito proclaiming that “Metal Rules!” Lacking my own spray-can, I was unable to satisfy my urge to write “Gum Erasers!” and “Plastic Protractors!” next to it.

20 October 2022 (Happy Birthday Sugar!)

Most of us are pack animals. We are hardwired to help each other. That’s why it feels good to do good. Whereas, REQUIRING us to “help” or to “contribute” triggers our contrarian reflexes, and we look upon such external “obligations” as theft, aggression, or interference. This is why tax-funded “welfare” is universally disastrous.
correspondent Mypogdyf Mymink responds: “Individuals do not have the means to amass and distribute anything to anyone other than in their immediate circle. We will always need a government safety-net to make sure that the elderly and children do not starve. It’s not for lack of wanting to help, people simply do not have the machinery necessary. Without a uniform plan paid for by our taxes, people will begin dying faster than they already are from all the other causes. I am not some starry eyed optimist. I am a realist.“
The machinery already exists in the form of communication and community and churches. Uniform plans are not suitable for unique circumstances, and taxation, supported by threats of violence, engenders more resentment than compassion, and also fuels widescale graft not feasible on smaller human scales. I am not some starry-eyed optimist, I am a starry-eyed cynic.

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So… “Queer” is no longer a slur?

25 July 2022

I have a hard time keeping up, but I recall it being unabashedly declared (and not challenged by fawning interviewers) by proudly confessed homosexuals that (and I paraphrase from imperfect memory) “queer folk will not surrender their dignity.” Also, I have heard it assertively pronounced as the meaning of the “Q” (along with its competitor “questioning” at about an equal pace) in “LGBTQ an’ on…” I further understand that certain abbreviations, like fag or dyke, are presently considered to be not fit for polite conversation, but if queer is back, as a convenient monosyllable, then I’m in! It’s much better than (and less approximate) than the more ambiguous and often misleading gay.

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“Jews Will Not Replace Us*”

*objectively accurate motto of
The International Confederation of Shabas Goys

12 April 2022

Gilbert Gottfried, “the comedians’ comedian,” comic genius, and one-time wise-cracking Aflac flack was lost to us today. I’d like to think that he might have appreciated my original joke (above), as he was fearless, and he was committed to humor. He wouldn’t care much if people thought that he or I were anti-Semites (we’re not) and he would never demur from what he thought was the joke of the moment. “Hero” is thrown around way too loosely these days, but Gottfried WAS heroic. Real heroism requires personal risk, and he was never loath to put his smart mouth where the big money was. It cost him dearly in shekels, but it earned him the respect of his peers and his fans.

I will miss his wit AND his courage. It is in shorter supply today.

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The Exaltation of Feeeelings

26 May 2022

The wise and witty Klint once said that instead of going with their feelings, people should go with their intelligence. He’s right, of course, but I wish he believed it. That would be a good idea. I should consider that, though it has been made clear to me that I have the power to compel (force? make? inspire?) people to “feel uncomfortable.” Since “words are violence” they are well within their rights to respond in kind.

The punk-assed bitch who murdered nineteen children and two of their teachers in Uvalde this month was a troubled soul. “Our thoughts and prayers go out to him and his family in this time of torment.” Raised in a culture that exalts feeeelings at the expense of reason, he concluded that the proper expression of his having been marginalized and having his identity denied by “The Right” or “Republicans” or “The Patriarchy” was to express the legitimacy of his feeeelings and to inflict immeasurably greater anguish on innocent strangers and their families.

Since “silence is violence” and since I’ve never validated his feeeelings, it could be my fault that this boy snapped. Who knows, I may even have “misgendered” him at one time in his life, in person, in print, or on-line. When our feeeelings are exalted at the expense of our manners, our obligations, and our duties, punk-assed bitches will spend their time hunting in free-fire zones like a “gun free” school, comfortably assured that no one is equipped to defend themselves.

230720 — in re Russell, above
“So you ‘re saying that ALL managers eat shit?”
Yeah, that must be it. I couldn’t possibly be referring to the stereotypical martinets who outnumber most other middle managers. I could only have meant ALL, but especially YOU.

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* * * * * * * Warning * * * * * * *

It began, I am told (by parents and an older brother who were all there), with the English language. I did not speak for well past the expected period, and folks were beginning to wonder, “Is there something wrong with that boy?” As it turned out, there was. Nevertheless, one day at dinner I suddenly spewed forth both proper grammar and genteel table etiquette. (“Please pass the potatoes.”)

The painfully embarrassing cognitive debility extended to junior juniorhigh French also, constituting my single scholastic failure, as well as to Les Mysteres Cybernetique. And of course, Earth People. I’m an asshole who speaks English. If that’s going to bug you or you think you have no time for an arrogant jerk who thinks he’s better’n you ’cause he can spell, parse, and rhyme you might want to skip this section. Otherwise I hope you’ll have fun, and maybe even help me to understand better.

Another Contradiction? More Fun with English
7 January 2022
When something is said to “glow” it is usually implied that it is filled with hope or joy or happiness or excitement, or that it is pregnant, or that it is literally radiating heat and light. Yet when we glower it is common to infer that we are in a dark mood.

My Pronouns are I, I Me Mine, I Me Mine
11 March 2022
My other preferred pronouns are I and You, as in, “I speak English” and “I wish you would too.” Likewise, I am perfectly content to respect anyone’s preferred Proper Noun, as long as they aren’t too much effort to pronounce. I will, however, continue to use standard pronouns based on the context and the evidence. For example, I don’t need to know the sex of the actor who plays Ru Paul or Madea to understand that as far as the respective character is concerned, she is either every inch a lady, or she is an insufferable bitch.

IKYRA (though sometimes just metaphorically)
27 March 2022 (but still echoing July 2019)
For some, apparently, a reliable sex toy becomes less desirable post menopause. Combine that with my poor paddling skills (and they’re not as related as that sounds) and I’m gone like a bad memory and an embarrassing stain.

11 September 2022
When this song (by Paul Overstreet and Don Shlitz) was played specifically for my benefit, I believed every word of it, such as:
“There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me.
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me whenever I fall.
You say it best when you say nothing at all.“
Perhaps I shouldn’t have.
in re “never leav[ing her]:” I wouldn’t have, had I not been sent away.
in re “catch[ing her] whenever [she] fall[s]:” Again, having been dismissed, detached, distrusted, and rescinded, I am no longer in any position to do any catching of falling bodies (through the ceiling or elsewhere.)
That last line about “say[ing] nothing at all,” however, still rings true, though perversely. Saiyng nothing was dangerous too, but it has been vastly less perilous than telling the actual truth.

Alison Krauss – When You Say Nothing At All (Official Video) – YouTube


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The Fat, the Frail, and the Faithful

28 November 2021

Any three non-exclusive descriptions can easily be expressed as a Venn Diagram, with singular lobes all around, intersections between, and all at the center.

It has been clear to many, long before the advent of Wuhan Flu™ (“hallowed be its name”), that the fat and the frail are much more susceptible to respiratory distress than the rest of us.  Influenzae, Coronae, and Rhino viruses have been killing the elderly and the sick and the obese in much greater proportions than everybody else for centuries.  “Virus gonna virus” means that new strains will claim new victims. As they mutate, they’ll become more transmissible and less lethal.  Otherwise, they would extinguish themselves, which is a poor business model for any predator.

People generally know their own interests best, so I’m disinclined to confront them over their personal precautions.  Even if I doubt their motives or reasoning, we should still be able to peacefully coexist.  If a private merchant insists that I muzzle up before entering his shop, I will either comply (if I want what’s inside enough), or I will move on.  When a privileged insider who remains open while his smaller competitors are padlocked by the state makes the same “request” I am less sympathetic.  I have to both breathe AND eat, so I will cheerfully endure the stink-eye and hectoring as I shop.  If ChowMart™ or JohnBoy’s™ want to throw me out, they’re going to have to tell me personally, or maybe even threaten me with violence.  Again, I have to eat.  But that’s just me.  You do you all you want. 

For me, a face mask outside of the ICU or surgical theatre makes as much sense as casual swimwear.  They are often just sectarian vestments, so I’d rather not. And if I can get away with it, I won’t.  But sometimes the penalties for non-compliance are too dire, so I’ll wear pants at some beaches, and masks in some shops or homes.

I am less sanguine about the sacraments and sacrifices of this new faith.  I’ll pass on the alleged “vaccines” partly for the same reason that my old chum stays away from LSD or Quaaludes while still enjoying weed or booze.  Some things have passed the tests of generations, and some things are a little too new for our comfort levels.  I am horrified by the gerontocratic insistence that babies and toddlers be jabbed or muzzled for the sake of their grandparents.  If Granny is in precarious enough shape, then we’ll cheerfully muzzle up in her presence.  We love her.  Otherwise, we’re going to play in the sun and the dirt, just as we have for millennia.  Children (other than the fat and the frail) are generally the most durable of us, so subjecting them to dangerous experimental injections constitutes child sacrifice.  Moloch seems to be back with a vengeance.  Maybe it’s time to crush Canaan again.  Paging Joshua…

update 211201 — Cultish Comparisons
I’ll clarify for the eagerly aggrieved. Some people have very good reasons for masking up or accepting an injection that mitigates their risk. Their behavior may be neither cultish nor irrational, but prudently cautious. I would not presume to know their motives, so I’m satisfied to let them be.
Some other people who decline these precautions are much too eager to presume motives of sheepish compliance and to excoriate those whom they consider to be “Branch Covidians.” I wish they wouldn’t. First, because we’re not living each others’ lives so, in general, we should not infer reasons for face masks or yarmulkas or Mardi Gras beads. As Mr Jefferson reminds me, if “it neither breaks my leg nor picks my pocket” it’s probably none of my business. Second, and specifically, the late Branch Davidians were the victims of state violence, whereas the most egregious of the pushy Maskerati and Jabolins are the proponents of state violence.

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“My bad” way doesn’t cut it!

11 January 2018

If the matter is minor (getting jostled in a crowd), you might offer it as you would “oops” or “excuse me.” But be advised. “My bad” is not an apology.

Let’s put things in their proper camps. We excuse an error. We forgive an offense. Everybody makes mistakes, but as long as no obvious patterns emerge there’s no call for anyone to be taking any offense. Offenses are more personal, and we infer clear intent or egregious neglect if we’re taking offense. An offense calls for a more elaborate response.

A proper apology consists of four parts. You may call them the 4 Cs.
Confession: I did it. It was me. That’s my fault.
Commiseration: That stinks. How awful this is. I am so sorry.
Comprehension: I know what I did. I understand how that hurts.
Commitment: I’ll do better. I’ll try harder. I’ll be more attentive.

“My bad” or “Mea culpa” (Latin for “my bad“), both being possessive and acknowledging culpability, almost satisfy the first two criteria. However, they offer nothing to the other criteria, and aren’t even full sentences. Not “my bad” anyway. English calls for subjects and verbs, my and bad are both adjectives. I don’t know from foreign grammar, so “Mea culpa” might be an actual sentence. And it’s Latin, so extra points for falutin’ so highly! Still, it’s only halfway there. Assign it also to the Synonyms for “Oops” Column.

In addition to lacking much of the essence of an apology, its very brevity aggravates the offense. It suggests that it is a trivial matter, unworthy of basic courtesy. It’s the rhetorical equivalent of “It’s nothing, move on.”

It’s worse than no apology at all.

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Being an Ego Supremacist

27 July 2020

I have probably always been a Gene Supremacist, thinking that, in general, my opinion was more clear or coherent than any other.  Nevertheless, I readily acknowledge the vastness of my ignorance and welcome counsel. 

Conflation has never seduced me.  I recognized early on the great diversity around me, so bigotry was never an attraction.  I do recollect accepting the opinions of my family at an early age, but when I realized how irrational their racism was, I decided that I knew better.

Accusations of “white supremacy” are offensive on many levels, mainly as an insult to one’s intelligence.  Because I speak English, and I’ve seen a box of crayons, I know that there are no white or black people on Earth.  I am not unaware of popular fictions, but I maintain firmer standards.  If it’s untrue and it isn’t poetic or funny, it’s a lie.  And even if it is poetic, it might still be a lie (see Gettysburg Address).  On the other hand, as I diverge again, “negro” is fun, even as it literally means “black.”   Still, it’s a nice word; it’s warm and friendly.  Think of the muscles of your face as you pronounce it.  It starts with a smile and ends up in a look of astonishment and delight.  “Nigger” on the other hand, is just mean.  It starts with a sneer and ends with a growl.

The idea that “white supremacy” has any serious traction in a world where the observation that “There sure are a lot of Jewish Nobel Laureates, aren’t there?  And a lot of tall negros in the NBA!” can get you scorned, scolded, and verbally scalded, is ridiculous.  Many have lost jobs and other opportunities over less.  There are no visible rewards for “white supremacist” behavior, so the notion that it has any practical currency in running the world is utterly absurd. 

YES IT DID!  IT WAS THE WAVE OF THE PAST! 
And the LAW, thanks to Jim Crow Democrats. 
But for the most part, the past is past.

But nothing attracts a warrior like an unwinnable war.  In the fight for equality, no victory is possible because differences are what enrich our lives.  But the fight goes on, and as racial relations improve, the rhetoric is ramped up.  As enemies fade into the mist, the definition must be expanded to advance the front.  As I’d indicated elsewhere, “objective, rational linear thinking” and the recognition of causality and quantitative differences are not so much the hallmarks of civilization and hygiene and health and prosperity, but characteristics of “whiteness” or “white supremacy.”

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My Statist Friends…

211006 — “That’s a good thing!”
Many of my statist friends who remember passing Philosophy 101 object to my comparing the government to the Mafia. They say I’m trying to compare apples to oranges. They may have a point, over-broad comparisons can often be more distracting than helpful, so they should always be used with caution.
However… apples? oranges? These are both GOOD things!
Comparing government to other criminal organizations is more like comparing hemlock to nightshade.

210921 — The Trouble with Logic
Did a wicked God create cancer, diabetes, and mosquitos,
Or is a weak God unable to protect the innocent?

171227 — A Puppies and Rainbows Act
American partisan politics has been replete with lies since its inception. America’s first political party consisted of centralist nationalists, and they called themselves “Federalists”. That left the actual federalists (including the authors of the Kentucky and Virginia Resolutions) to call themselves “Democratic Republicans” (surviving unto this day as the Democrat party, the oldest living political party on Earth).
Just as the names stuck, so too did the mendacious traditions of our partisan “Representatives.” They constantly flaunt their falsehoods, from the “PATRIOT ACT” to RomneyCare 2.0 (“If you like your policy, you can keep it!”) to “Net Neutrality”.
Rest assured, if the Congress were to pass a Puppies and Rainbows Act, a careful reading of it would reveal its true designs to incinerate enough puppies so as to pump enough particulate matter into the atmosphere as to render rainbows impossible.

171202  —  “[Do you] take EBT?”
This question is actually better than arrogantly assuming that we DO accept your Electric Biscuit Ticket, so thanks for asking.
The QuikkStopp does NOT accept “food stamps” or honor your EBT card because it is already annoying enough to be paying for your groceries. Obliging me to participate in my own abuse and to witness your squandering of my stolen money on candy, chips, and “energy” drinks just makes it worse.
Buy your own crap. I know you have cash, I just sold you lottery tickets.

020630  —  “Campaign Finance Reform…”
.. is a cynical fraud. It constitutes an Incumbent Protection Racket by erecting unreasonably high hurdles for challengers. It is particularly unjust to independent party candidates. I prefer the First Amendment. Hard money or Soft, let any person give any amount to any candidate, any party, or any PAC.

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Small Gifts from NPR*

14 September 2021

“You’re listening……………………………. to dead air!”

If you prefer a somnolent narrative pace that would never presume to jar you into any semblance of alertness, or if you’re interested in occasional stories of depth or substance, or even some late breaking developments, then NPR may have something for you. However, if you can only take so much of their unctuous superiority or earnest adolescent angst that crowds out actual news, you might appreciate these regular flags that are used by alert listeners to warn them of yet another of their “more hip and caring than thou” diversions away from useful information.

If you hear any of the following expressions used in their opening remarks, you may be assured that they’re getting ready to insult your intelligence and your character, or simply to waste your time:

“Lived experience…”   “Equity…”  “Authentic voices…”  
“Whose preferred pronouns are…”  
“Reaching out to marginalized communities…”
“Democratic leaders…” “Republican ideologues…”
“Third party spoilers…”

You’re welcome.

(* — Nitwits Posturing Righteously)