With or Without a Bookie

6 March 1998 — approximated & paraphrased

Patient with a brokered account: “Time to settle up.”
Receptionist: “Well, looks like we’ll send a bill to your insurance company for a hundred and twenty dollars, but we’ll need your co-pay of twenty dollars, please. You can mail it in, if you like.”
P w/ aba: “Thanks! Have a great day!”
Receptionist: “Thank you, hon!  Next please.”

Patient without a brokered account: “Time to settle up.”
Receptionist: “Uh… you don’t have any insurance.”
P w/o aba: “That’s correct.”
Receptionist: “That’ll be three hundred dollars. Right fucking now!”

update 210108: Mrs Axis once explained this to me. Insurance companies deal in large numbers, and can therefore negotiate lower rates because they represent a bloc of reliable payers, whereas I am an unknown quantity, and they’re not sure they can get even a fraction out of me. But they didn’t know me, did they? So they couldn’t know in advance that for EVERY time I ever walked myself into a doctor’s or dentist’s or other skilled contractor’s office, and incurred a debt, they ALWAYS got EVERY DiME! Which makes me considerably more reliable than every bookie who ever went belly up and left thousands bereft.

The images above are reproduced for purposes of analysis and scholarship.  Their use here constitutes free advertisement for their creators at the considerable expense of Piracy Press & Greigh Area Associates. Stories are selected with the greatest of discrimination, but even numbered issues of Daring Love are specifically edited with the prurient interests of atavistic fanboys in mind.  
Reader discretion is advised.

Wishful Thinking

15 March 2021

Says Syed Balkhi:
“Hey, I noticed you created a contact form with WPForms – that’s awesome! Could you please do me a BIG favor and give it a 5-star rating on WordPress to help us spread the word and boost our motivation?”

That is one interesting observation.
I recall trying to figure how to decipher the “instructions” for setting up “forms” in the “backend” of my “D-panel” but I have no recollection whatsoever of actually accomplishing anything. In fact it was not “awesome” at all. It was painful and frustrating and fruitless. I expect that my experience with this cybernetic horror show is hardly the testimony that a vendor is going to want to clarion to the world. Fortunately for professional cyber-geeks, most consumers aren’t nearly as stupid or retarded as I am.

Alex (Swamp Thing) Olsen, Linda Olsen, Shvaugn Erin, 
Jan (Element Lad) Arrah, are all properties of 
Detective Comics and Warner Communications.  Their images are reproduced by Piracy Press for purposes of analysis and scholarship.
Stories are selected with the greatest of discrimination, but even numbered issues of Daring Love are specifically edited with the prurient interests of atavistic fanboys in mind.  Reader discretion is advised.

Not the “Mask Police”

12 August 2020

Dear Correspondent JS:
Thanks so much for your kind words.  The “QuikkStopp™” where I work is located at Exit Sissin Nyn on Interstate Sekki Sen in northeast Cincinnatistan.  In fact it is a gasoline station and convenience shop, sharing space with Drunk’n Dimwits™ and Chik’n’n’Biskits™.  I would very much appreciate your NOT making any specific issue out of my own masklessness as you laud me, or management policy, to management itself (we are a large district chain.) 

The two relevant management policies throughout the QuikkStopp™ empire are as follows:
We are NOT the “Mask Police.”  Employees have no authority to enforce, and are discouraged from even mentioning, Malefic Mike’s statewide masking diktat. We welcome every naked face that enters the store.
Employees are to be masked while on duty.  I have advised my shop manager that I would not be complying with this and attempted to apologize in advance if firing me constituted any hassle for him (It would, I am an extremely valuable employee), but he cut me off, pointed to my bandana and said, “That’s fine.  Just don’t say anything else I don’t need to hear.”  He’s obviously hoping I get away with it too. 

So yeah!  Please do stop in if you’re close!  And then call the big guns and tell them how much you appreciate our not giving customers flak about their missing muzzles. 

Work hard, rest easy, laugh often, and love endlessly. And breathe free!

Yr Obt Svt,
Gene Greigh

update 210315: Sorry if I’ve left anyone hanging, or otherwise left questions unresolved. Upper (or middle) management finally did reach the limits of their patience with me, just a couple of weeks after I had composed the above. Now, whether they opined that my unteamly behavior was an egregious social problem, or whether my specific misbehavior might be seen as compromising their financial well-being, is entirely irrelevant. It was entirely their call (as it is their shop), and I have no ill feeling towards accountants being attentive to the bottom line, nor to shop managers following through on their pledges to middle (or upper) management.

“Over control meant loss of control”

29 July 2003

To the editors (West Hawaii Today): What a comfort it is that the terrorist-enablers in our federal government have forgiven themselves for their evisceration of the Bill of Rights (“Lapses found, but no way to prevent Sept. 11” page 7A, July 25)

Over the last several decades the proponents of victim disarmament have made it possible for a handful of thugs to commandeer jet-liners and crash them at will.

If the Second Amendment were still in force in America, and all responsible adults were free to travel as armed as they saw fit, there is no way that punks with knives would have attempted the atrocities of September 11th.

[N]o way to prevent Sept. 11?” Hardly. As long as we practice the cruel superstition of gun control, there is no way to avoid it.

“Gaybama” is not a slur

15 January, 2020

At least I didn’t think so.  I didn’t intend it to be. 

I was looking for a transcendental phenomenological description of contemporaneous political appeal.  Just as “Quisling” now includes non-Swedish traitors, and “Fredo” refers to more than just Italian supernumeraries, I thought that “Gaybama” was just as portable. 
What do I know? 

Imagine a candidate who not only satisfies your orthodox Democrat criteria, but is also an “X.”  You may not be an “X” yourself, but you’re also no bigot.  “X”-ness won’t stop your vote.  In fact, it’s an additional appeal – you could be a part of the historic movement that put the first “X” into the Whitehouse.  How cool is that?

Now, for “X” substitute the words “Person of Gender™” or “Cool Black Guy™.”  By 2008 I realized that, after generations of dragging their stupid bigotry in the mud, most of America had finally caught up to me and decided that neither a vagina nor a permanent tan should be considered automatic DISqualifications for the Presidency.  Unfortunately (for me and humanity) that particular “PoG” and that particular “CBG” were orthodox Democrats, and therefore unworthy of my vote.  Nevertheless, Cool Black Guy won his race —  a signal cultural triumph AND a painful political disaster.  In so doing, like Fredo Corleone and Vidkun Quisling, he has stamped his name onto a broader generic concept.

I still don’t care how Squeaky Pete™ (“Gaybama”) might swing his wing wang, but I’m confident that thousands of Americans do.  I expect that their concerns will move a great many more of them to vote FER’im than AGIN’im, just as the original “Obama’s” electoral “defect” worked more in his favor than not.

Many of the chattering chooms on teevee have referred to Squeaky Pete as “the next ‘Obama’,” yet delicately decline to explicate his appealing cache.  I thought that “Gaybama” nailed it, without rancor or revile.  It is a convenient political portmanteau that betrays neither judgment nor condemnation.

Or it is homophobic and racist.

predate 200110 (Clowns in Conflict):  “Alfred E. Neuman will never be President of the United States,” says President Ronald McDonald.

update 210307: Despite his political shortcomings (according to Cool Black Guy™ himself: “He’s thirty-eight, but he looks thirty… He’s gay. And he’s short.“) Former Vice President Biden and President Select Harris have appointed him to their cabinet, so these so called shortcomings are more likely political assets at this point.

100% of the Tenth

18 August 2020  
Pravda Sivoydne®’s (USA Toady®) readers opine on “states’ rights.”  In a recent poll, Toady’s editors find that approximately 56% of Americans agree with 100% of the Tenth Amendment insofar as they believe that “marijuana regulation should be handled by state governments” rather than through federal usurpation. I’m confident that editors and publishers have an abiding interest in readers’ opinions, in as much as they reflect on their bottom line, but in matters of logical discourse, agreement is meaningless.  100% of flat earthers may refuse to believe in gravity, but a fall from a great height will kill them anyway.

8 December 2019 — Today’s Leftists celebrate the diversities that don’t matter, and stifle the diversities that do.

Dear Singin’ Truckdriver

27 February 2018

I miss you just about every day.

I can see you’re doing well in those other universes where they had things figured out sooner than here in ours.  And I can easily see what a joyous and brilliant life you could have led in our world.

I mourn for a humanity who are denied your wit and your charm and your enthusiasm and your talents.  It hurts a lot less these days, and it’s been manageable for decades, but there are times when you reemerge and elicit a chuckle or a tear.  To this day I still steal your jokes, and there still isn’t a damned thing you can do about it!

In many of the best ways, you remind me of our grandmother Bernice, with your shared abilities to see through blizzards of crap and get at the priceless kernel of truth concealed within.  Neither one of you could tolerate the notion of shit on the mind and sugar on the tongue; you said what you thought and you didn’t apologize for it.

You’re a great guy, Bro!  I love you, and I never told you enough.  I guess we never really can say it enough to anyone.

Fondly and gratefully yours,
Older, taller, and better looking

update 210228:  Singin’ Truck Driver would be 62 today had he not been done in by primitive twentieth century medicine.  It is reported that the paean above elicited tears from both my sister and my Mom, as well as explicit thanks from our oldest brother, who may not volunteer the datum, but likely would not deny an emotional response himself.

Hawaiian Sovereignty

13 April 2002

In the interests of full disclosure, I must state up front that I am not a secessionist. Now, I don’t have any moral or constitutional quarrel with the concept of Hawaiian secession. I just think it’s a bad idea. I think it’s a bad idea to separate ourselves from, relatively speaking, the largest free market in the world, and it would likewise be imprudent to remove ourselves from the protection of the greatest military power in history. I am disinclined also to trust the protection of our Civil Rights to The Peoples’ Republic, or to The Kingdom, or to The Consolidated Islands of Hawaii. I am dubious of Federal protection also, but at least with the State and the Feds at odds over the issue, we have some cover from both.

That being clear, let me state just as emphatically, that Hawaiian Sovereignty is already a FACT. You can look it up, if you want, or I can quote it myself. According to the Tenth Amendment to the United States Constitution, “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the People.” This means that except for the very specific duties detailed for the Federal Government (mainly Hard Money and a Secure Frontier), all other legitimate authority in the United States resides in the States themselves.

Each State is a Sovereign entity unto itself, each is responsible for its own internal affairs, and each is answerable to no other. We are a Confederation of Equals, a Common Market, a Republic of Republics, and a voluntary union of friends. It also means that, since the body of the Constitution does not specifically prohibit secession, then that option is also reserved to the States.

Nevertheless, the aim of many modern sovereigntists, who would remove these islands from the American Union, is misdirected. If we wish to reclaim local control over ceded lands, reduce Federal authority, and put an end to the Federal Government’s vicious drug war in our skies, we must elect Representatives to the Congress who understand that the United States Constitution defines a Federal Union of specific and limited delegated powers.

With a Congress composed of Libertarians and others who understand the true Confederal structure of our Union, many of the illegal actions of the Federal government will stop, and any argument in favor of secession would be moot. When the Right of Secession is preserved, secession itself becomes unnecessary.

update 180130: In light of da kine recent missile scare, Hawaiians may well reconsider the value of “the protection of the greatest military power in history.” Considering its misadventurous interventionist foreign policies, does The Occupation draw more fire than it provides cover? New Yorkers and Pentagon employees might also wish to weigh in on questions of blowback. Of course, I also have serious doubts about my safety OUTSIDE of the US, as well. It’s a thorny puzzle.

Republican Lies

11 May 2002

“Why should I vote for you when you’re not going to win anyway? Are you advocating that I should waste my vote?”

Never. Just like dollars in the market place, every vote sends a message. When you walk into McDonald’s to spend your cash you are telling Burger King that you don’t like their selection, their prices, or their location. Admittedly, it takes a lot of transactions (dollars or votes) for the message to get through, but it will get through. It all adds up.

Every time you vote for a Democrat or a Republican you are telling them that you like what they’ve been doing. You are endorsing their continued encroachment upon our civil liberties. You are giving your approval to higher taxes. You are saying you support their schemes to strip Americans of their rights to privacy and to keep and bear arms. You are giving your consent to their vicious drug war.

When you vote Bipartisan, you become an accessory to their crimes. You help Lon Horiuchi to murder Vickie Weaver. You support Janet Reno’s incineration of eighty people at Mount Carmel, and you assist the CIA and the Peruvian air force to butcher Veronica Bowers and her infant daughter. If you continue to vote Bipartisan, knowing their blood-stained record, then the blood is on your hands.

“Those were tragic accidents,” you might think, or maybe ,“They brought it on themselves.” Nevertheless, the Democratic and Republican War on Unpopular Drugs, and their War on Civil Rights, and their War on your Right to Keep and Bear Arms will have consequences which are as inevitable and as predictable as stress fracture and fatigue are to an engineer, and just as catastrophic. If we keep sowing the same corrupt seeds, we will continue to reap the same bitter harvest.

Okay, maybe that’s a little heavy. After all, many voters simply vote on pocket book issues, and really have no interest beyond the economy. They ask, “Why vote for Libertarians, who promise real tax relief, when they can’t win? The Republicans may be less than perfect, but at least they can accomplish something.” It’s a fair objection. To my Republican and Independent friends who think that maybe the next election the Republicans will actually follow through on their free market claims, I have to ask, “What can you expect?”

After six years as Governor, Republican George W Bush left a Texas state government larger than the one he acquired from Ann Richards. After eight years as President of the USA, Republican Ronald Reagan left a federal government and a national debt more than twice the size as the one he inherited from Jimmy Carter. Democrats controlled the House of Representative for over forty years, growing the federal government and our tax burden every step of the way. After eight years of Republican control, the federal government is larger and more expensive than ever.

Bipartisan voters are a lot like the victims of abusive relationships.
“How can you stay with him?” we ask.
And the sad pathetic answer is inevitably, “He didn’t mean it. He’s really trying harder. This time it will be different.”

Next time, it’s not going to be any different, unless we do something different. As long as we keep returning Democrats and Republicans to the seats of power, government will grow, your freedom and security will fade away, and your paycheck will continue to shrink.

Next time, vote Libertarian.

update 180531: While Lon Horiuchi and Larry Smith remain at large, Janet Reno (aka “The Wicked Witch of Waco”) is now safely dead, and the rest of the Clintonista may have been successfully defanged. On the other hand, John (“When a Man Loves a War, Man”) Bolton still exercises his dark influence over our present Puppet-in-Chief and doubtless salivates over the prospect of catching Iran alone one dark night.

Why am I so much harder on Republicans?. Is it guilt? Maybe. If I’m any sort of archist at all, I’m surely more of a republican than I am a democrat. I suppose I hold my own to a higher standard. Also, as confessed commies, I expect Democrats to act like children, so their foolishness offends me less. Republicans, on the other hand, often claim to be “the grown-ups in the room” and they talk a pretty good free market on the campaign trail. But when they start illegal wars and squander tax loot like a liquored up Lyndon Johnson, I’m going to point it out. (This is also why I consider BHWB44 to be only 97% as evil as BHWB43. Unlike Dubya, Bario never actually claimed to be a conservative.)

Drug War Hysteria

4 April 2002

As drug warriors’ hysterical objections to medical marijuana wither in the light of logic, and collapse in the face of compassion, they turn predictably to the appeal of “higher authority.”

Law enforcement officials testify against humane liberalization, claiming that it would be a violation of federal law. They forget, however, that the federal government has no constitutional authority over local law enforcement. Our Constitution grants the federal government specific authority over the states in terms of national defense, monetary policy, and interstate commerce, but it is silent on the subjects of cannabis, codeine or Kona coffee.

The Tenth Amendment says, “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States, respectively, or to the people.”

Since the Constitution (though originally printed on hemp paper) never mentions marijuana, it is for Hawaii to decide the issue, federal statute notwithstanding. If Hawaii’s constitution or legislature were to remain likewise silent, then it would be for the people to medicate themselves as they saw fit.

It can be further argued that Hawaii’s legislature has no jurisdiction on the issue either. According to the Ninth Amendment, “The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.” Out Founders understood that the rights of the individual are as diverse as people themselves, and any attempt to list them all would be tedious and frivolous.

For over a century, Americans recognized the right of self-medication to be as fundamental to human liberty as self defense or the right to property, as basic as eating or breathing. They realized that in order for them to delegate to the Congress or to State Legislatures the power to regulate alcohol, they would have to amend the Constitution.

As the people have not yet seen fit to amend the constitution to prohibit less popular drugs, it is clear that the drug war is not only destructive, immoral, and irrational, but illegal as well.

update 180107: Alleged Constitutional-Scholar-and-College-Professor Obama was certainly no friend of liberty, but even he could see the massive rolling wave of cash and cannabis freedom staggering across the Union. Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions lectures us on a “return to the rule of law” but forgets his own oath of office (and Mr Trump’s and Mr Obama’s and mine and all other federal employees’, past and present) to obey America’s highest law, the US Constitution, whose Tenth Amendment specifically reserves to the States all powers NOT DELEGATED to the united States.
Carrie Nation and her Prohibitionist ilk at least recognized that the Constitution didn’t say anything about booze, so they sucked it up and wrote that particularly bad idea into the Constitution through the Amendment process. (Note to Director Anslinger, General Sessions, and Officer Krupke: it also says nothing about weed.)
El Donaldo had better short-leash J-Beau, and right quick!
He’s making Barachio look good!

update 180109: correspondent JS notes the confluence of Shakespeare, Sondheim, and politics. Sure, politics was easy, the piece reeks of it. The Sondheim reference was a little more subtle, but hardly hidden. Shakespeare? That one puzzled me for a bit, but I see it now. Petruchio was certainly the mercurial fortune seeking opportunist who married a strong-willed “shrew”, but I was thinking more of Carlo Collodi’s tale of the notorious liar whose nose grew with each deceit.

update 180313: Since Hawaii’s legislature contemplated liberalizing its own statutory canons in the early Naughties, and as more angry old voters die, enlightened politicians come to understand more clearly the compelling logic that has assailed them for generations. So I guess it’s true, “Our Democracy” IS a living, evolving thing — like herpes or ebola.

update 180320: I have to take issue with Mr Trump’s proposal to kill drug dealers. Since I keep myself in groceries and electricity through my involvement in organized gambling, drugs, and extortion (I sell beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets at the Quikk Stopp by the Interstate, where I am also obliged to collect “sales taxes”) I feel that I am being unjustly targeted. I know that emphysema and cancer and cirrhosis of the liver and chronic poverty are all serious issues, but I don’t force any of my products onto any of my clientele. Nor, I suspect, do any other successful merchants. Free trade happens only when each party perceives himself to be better off after the transaction. Issues of fraud or misrepresentation can be handled separately, and are in no way a function of the product itself. We have decades of evidence now demonstrating that Jim Beam and Seagram’s continue to NOT shoot it out over turf. There is no drug so destructive as prohibition itself.

update 180413: Nancy Baloney’s spine apparently remains in storage somewhere in Westchester along with his testicles. The Capitulator’s late life conversion comes safely at a time when he need not risk appearing humane, rational, or “soft on drugs.” Claiming that his thinking on cannabis has “evolved,” Weepy John suddenly realizes that:
(1) Enough angry old voters are now dead. No need for frightened and timid Republicans to continue the sadistic cruelty of prohibition, and
(2) He’s out of office. What does he care what silly voters believe?
But most of all, after shilling for the Drug Lords of Reynolds American for decades, he now finds that Acreage Holdings is also offering cash.

update 180923: Charlotte Elmore and other sufferers from chronic pain are wise to fear the lethal power of Ohio’s legislature. Though sufferers for generations have managed their pain with opiATEs, cannabis, chamomile, and alcohol. most such benign homegrown remedies have been prohibited by our merciful masters to make way for their sponsors’ artificial and toxic opiOIDs, which inflict further discomfort as they inhibit eliminatory efficacy. Of course, it’s all for the best; years of pharmaceutical industry research has shown that there is no clear link between homegrown remedies and hefty campaign contributions. Drug dealers like me and my employer have even more cause to fret. If “it is appropriate to hold accountable those who dispense… drugs that can kill,” then should I and every other clerk at every other Quikk Stopp along the Interstate look forward to being jacked up by Mike DeWine’s legions of eager DAs for our contributions to emphysema, cancer, and bronchitis?

update 190615: “Protecting our Traditions” — One can usually rely on government to sanctify bigotry and barbarity. In the name of protecting social order and preserving our traditions, government would regularly weigh in on the side of the entrenched and the popular. It enforced the Fugitive Slave Act (in spite of abolitionist nullification measures), passed the Democrat authored “Jim Crow” restrictions and prosecuted race-mixing scoff-laws, criminalized consensual sex acts, and tortured to death the terminally ill by locking them in cages and denying them their tumor-combating cannabis. Buckeye bigots can breathe more easily these days, knowing that Massa will smile on their discharging nonconformist junkies. [Ohio Legislature provides legal cover for drug test “failure” dismissals]. Silly potheads don’t seem to understand that one joint will render a formerly “good person” unfit to work anywhere ever, while a quart of Wild Jerkey® on Sunday night, plus two Dead Gulls® and a pack of Llama Llights® on Monday morning, and you’re magically good to go.

update 190714: “Persecutorial Discretion” — In their vain efforts to promote reason, sanity, and humanity, the sponsors of the “no fine, no time” measures (Cincinnati Enquirer 14 July) forget one very important point. It’s the same point glossed over by peace-loving anarchists in THEIR campaign to civilize society. Without government, who would beat up potheads and throw them into cages? In some communities, prosecutorial discretion undermines the legislature’s fatwa on freedom. When will people understand that Big Brother loves them?

update 190831: “Predatory Paradox” — For a classically perverse example of pandering, posturing, puffery, and perfidy watch as Ohio’s mendacious mandarins both threaten AND subsidize the drug lords (AmeriSource, Cardinal, McKesson, et al) doing business on their turf. Like sharks or jackals catching the scent of blood, Buckeye Bureaucrats converge on their injured prey (genus Deeppocketus Corporatii), in this case Johnson & Johnson, who’d just taken a substantial hit from Sooner Statists to the tune of about a half a Gigabuck. During decades of threats and intimidation to keep ailing consumers away from such benign homegrown remedies as cannabis, chamomile, opium poppies, and raw milk, legislators chased sufferers toward more aggressive analgesics with tragic side effects. If not for the sacrament of “Sovereign Immunity” victims of chronic pain would have cause for suit since they had been denied relief in the name of protecting political contributors.

update 191025: As The War on (some) Drugs continues to rage, the collateral damage mounts. One might be inclined to withhold sympathies from licensed MDs, as they are willing participants in (if not actual accomplices to) the regulatory therapeutic state. As for the victims of chronic pain, however, I have nothing but sympathy. Doctors willingly place themselves into this “damned if ya do et cetera” bind but nobody asks for a debilitating injury. But of course it is all worth it, because what kind of message would we be sending The Children if we suggested that grownups should make their own decisions and deal with the consequences of their actions? If it stops just one glassy eyed slacker from dumping Cheeto® dust all over Mommy’s new couch, our sacrifices will not have been in vain.

update 191118: in re Obama’s-man-Biden to Vegas crowd —
Reactionary Reprobate Reveals Revulsion to
Relinquishing Restrictions on Recreational Reefer

update 191122: For a Portrait of Pusillanimity, we need look no further than Cryin’ John, also known as former Speaker of the House Nancy Baloney, Obama’s Ottoman, the Caliph of Capitulation, and the Sultan of Surrender.  This principled politician, golf buddy of the Prez  and toady of the tobacco cartel, “served” as Speaker between the reigns of Nancy Pelucid and Paul R’Ayneau, during which time he stood firmly against “sending our children the wrong message.”
Of course, it would be a mistake to judge the Westchester Whimperer solely on the basis of his sycophantic speakership.  Upon retirement from “public service” he has parlayed his notoriety and expertise into a new gig as a flack for the newly legalized cannabis industry.  His concern for “our children” seems to have dissipated now that he no longer fears the electoral vengeance of angry old voters.  What’s more, as it turns out, cannabis lobbyists ALSO deliver truckloads of cash to spineless spokesmodels.

update 200100: Decades of research reveal no clear link between homegrown remedies and hefty campaign contributions.