setup 190125: Fumbling for my new phone while coasting to a stop at an intersection I allowed myself to become distracted and tapped the rear bumper of the motorist in front of me. The experience was neither pretty nor pleasant, even as all involved generally were.
Father O. Victim
His Address
Golden Lamb, Cincinnatistan
Father, Please forward the enclosed to your daughter with my respects and compliments. I’m quite sorry that she’d been having a difficult Wednesday, and sorrier still that I contributed to her distress.
I applaud your intercession on her behalf. I have a sixteen year old daughter myself, and can certainly appreciate the protective impulse. I look forward to an amicable resolution to this current issue and encourage either or both of you to contact me for any additional assistance I may render.
Innocent Victim
c/o Father O. Victim
His Address
Golden Lamb, Cincinnatistan
Ms Victim, Once again, please accept my apology for my carelessness this Wednesday afternoon. I’m quite sorry that you’d been having a difficult day, and sorrier still that I contributed to your distress. I appreciate your agreement to take our troubles off the street and over to the [shopping center] parking lot. While we might both have technically left the scene of an accident, I think that it was probably the prudent and proper measure to take so as not to inflict our difficulties on the rest of the line-up of cars behind us.
I am grateful that my lapse of judgment did not result in any injury or more serious damage to your property. I am also grateful for your father’s intercession on our mutual behalf. I look forward to an amicable resolution to this current issue and encourage either or both of you to contact me for any additional assistance I may render.
Cordially, gratefully, & deeply embarrassed, 13 December 2007
For the next few weeks there passed an exchange of communiqués regarding assessment of damages, presentation of estimations, and authorizations of commencement. Finally, Father sent me a bill.
Father O. Victim
His Address
Golden Lamb, Cincinnatistan
Father, Once again let me offer my thanks for your understanding and forbearance. As unfortunate as my mishap last month may have been, I am grateful that you and Innocent realized that there was nothing to be gained by making it worse.
I received the initial estimate and was relieved to note that the cost of my error was considerably less than I first feared, and was even more pleased to see that you intended to shop around for parts and perform the work yourself. I am delighted that we are soon to conclude the affair.
Perhaps my sense of these things has been warped by my ten years of living in Hawaii’s inflated economy, but in reviewing your itemized bill, I have to say that your terms are NOT acceptable. $7.35 per hour for skilled mechanical labor (back breaking, knuckle busting, and tedious as it can be) seems to be out of line. Admittedly, you’re not carrying the same overhead that the pros do (taxes, shop rent, insurance, graft, &c.), so I fully understand and appreciate your not charging the $42.00 per man hour that was indicated on the previous estimate, but still, $7.35 is offensive to my sense of proportion.
Enclosed, therefore, please find my draft for $350.00 [rather than the requested $275.00.] If you consider it to be too much, you are of course free to split the difference with your neighbor/aide, give the balance to the Libertarian Party, the Red Cross, or the local home for wayward cats, or even take Innocent to dinner as a belated palliative for the temporary emotional aggravation that I unwittingly and carelessly inflicted.
Cordially & gratefully, 22 January 2008
update 190125: Mr Victim wrote back to thank me for my understanding, (as if I weren’t already motivated to correct my error as best I could) and to let me know that he had used the extra dough to provide meals for both Innocent and his neighbor/assistant.
Everybody screws up, but grown-ups try to fix it. I hope I have acquitted myself as admirably as Mr Victim suggested in his final missive.