Spec-Fic Conditioning

30 November 2019

One of Ray Bradbury’s greatest motives in writing speculative fiction was not so much to predict the future, he said, but to prevent it.  I flatter myself, and I declare that I am trying to follow in that tradition.  Not every future, of course, but some, and especially this one. There are better futures that I can imagine, but I’m not about to write about any of those.  Happy stories are boring.

One of the great benefits of reading spec-fic, according to Isaac Asimov, is that it trains the mind to appreciate unfamiliar circumstances.  Because we immerse ourselves in these strange worlds regularly, we can relate to all manner of unusual lifestyles, technologies, physiologies, and cultural norms.  Habitually relating to scuttling arthropods living on a neutron star, their majesties’ bucketeers, or the cyclical transsexuals of LeGuin’s left hand, we have rather less trouble adjusting to the new neighbors from strange lands abroad or who practice unusual rituals.

It makes us better neighbors, and it also makes us better historians.  “Presentism” tends to not color our judgment as much as it does most.  We judge different cultures and communities less from our own personal biases (“The way it’s s’posed ta be”), but from a broader view of ideological coherence (or its more likely absence).  Rather than condemning Jefferson or Lee outright on the sole basis of “owning slaves” we are able to place their behavior into a context that demanded behaviors from them that today’s society would not.  It’s easy to condemn Washington’s physicians who bled him to death, but like the cop who witnessed a “furtive gesture” towards the waistband, they were just following established procedure.  Today’s physicians might have saved many of the limbs that were amputated by Union and Rebel surgeons. 

And, conditioned as we are, we can see that today’s sensible statists who prefer central regulation to market discipline (or taxation to freedom, or protecting global democracy to non-intervention) can be easily substituted for the 1840’s main-stream anti-abolitionist who favored a more gradual approach to emancipation, rather than sabotaging the foundations of civilization. 

Slavery, and taxation, and conscription, and prohibition, and murder, all worked to the advantage of the established social order.  Prudent conservatives are loathe to tear down things that work.  And when it comes to the state and its prerogatives, most “liberals” are conservative, even as most “conservatives” are collectivist.  Readers of spec-fic, due in part to our peculiar conditioning, are generally both liberal and conservative, and rarely democratic.

Long Live IDIC

8 March 2022

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations is a Trekkie credo.

We use it poetically, of course. As an engineer and a scientist, I know that human beings cannot exhibit infinite diversity, because there are only a finite number of us. And frankly, some combinations just can’t work. But as an artist, and more importantly, as a fanboy, I understand that “infinite” means “beyond my immediate comprehension” or “vast, unlimited, or unrestrained.”

It’s partly why we dig science fiction, and one of the main reasons I love Star Trek® and The Legion of Super-Heroes® both. In addition to their generally optimistic view of the future and of civilization, they were early in putting women into positions of authority. Captain Pike’s First Officer, Number One, and The Legion’s second Leader, Saturn Girl, were both unmistakably female. Years before “Women’s Lib” entered common cultural parlance.

And a year before the Virginia v Loving decision striking down anti-miscegenation laws, and two years before “Plato’s Stepchildren” wherein Captain Kirk and Lieutenant Uhura engage in some (unfortunately involuntary) on-screen lip wrasslin’ the Legion managed to stealthily showcase inter-racial romance (albeit between a Coluan and a Kryptonian), while such real-world trysts were still outlawed in some States by lingering Jim-Crow-mocratic legislation.

Long Live the Legion’s Star Trekkian philosophy of IDIC! Probably why I did, and still, love both continuities.

correspondents JT, PK, & SK point to the Legion’s other cultural firsts in mainstream comics, notably Element Lad, the first gay super-hero (introduced in 1963), Lightning Lass and Shrinking Violet as the first gay couple (circa mid ’80s), and of course, yet another inter-racial couple, Mon-El of Daxam and Shadow Lass of Talok VIII. Also not mentioned were Colossal Boy (Earthman native to Mars) and Chameleon Girl of Durla. While Light Lass’ and Shrinking Violet’s romance was deftly and subtly, yet unmistakably (The Levitz Himself IS that good!) introduced in a Code Approved book, Element Lad’s alleged first is arguable, insofar as his present sexuality was not asserted until 1992. But there’s no necessary contradiction in continuo. He may well be bisexual for all we know. Or he may have been confused or frightened. He did squire many a young lady, but he never seemed to have a steady. Nevertheless, the Legion’s many fans can take enormous pride in our team’s relentless pressure on the frontier of cultural evolution. As well we should, it’s taken the rest of you decades to catch up.

Supergirl® and Brainiac 5® are the creations of Otto Binder,
Al Plastino, Jerry Siegel, & Jim Mooney,
and are held de jure by DC Comics & WarnerCom
Used without permission.

(Thanks to correspondent Golpoyez Jpexynt for push-starting this essay.)

Portrait of the Fanboy as a Young Letterhack

Smallville Mailsack ( October 1970, Superboy vol1 #169)

No. 164 was a sheer delight, but I want to comment on when the Superboy stories take place. Correspondent GK seems to think it’s the ‘30s. But that’s ridiculous. Even if it was 1939, Superman would be 40 years old because I read in an earlier ish that Superboy is 15 years old. I’d bet the stories take place around 1955 or 1960.

Editor Boltinoff responds:
Correspondent LG from Honolulu… echoes the sentiments of correspondents GH of Louisville Ky, LF of St Petersburg Beach Fl, PH of Toledo Oh, and ER of Unionville Ct, who figures Superman to be 47 and urges us to advance Superboy into the era of 1950-52 or he‘ll hold his breath until he turns green like Kryptonite. You can exhale now, ER, and breathe easier because we‘re moving into that era right now, as you‘ll note in… the very next issue.”

update 190124So I am responsible for changing DC’s editorial policy and for correcting a major continuity glitch, effective “the very next issue!”  
When I showed this issue of Superboy off to my friends (and thug older brother) many couldn’t help but point out that the editorial response included the phrase “echoes the sentiments.” They insisted therefore that this meant that I had copied my comments from previously published letters. Certainly not, I replied. “Echoes the sentiments” alludes to the fact that numerous other fans were also picking up on the problems being created by Superboy’s lagging timeline, and that my letter was simply the best stated or most representative, and therefore the one they selected for publication.

Portrait of More to Come? ( September 1978, 1984 #3 )

setup 190131King of the over-sized black and white horror fantasy anthology niche, Warren Publishing dipped its corporate toe into the burgeoning science fiction market with 1984. Styling his book “adult sci fi,“ editor Bill duBay generally presented scatology, gore, adolescent sex fantasies, and also some ripping good yarns and great art amid the inevitable dross, not all descriptions being necessarily exclusive.
Upon my receipt of the first issue, I opine scholarly…

Based on my vast experience with comics (or funnies if you wish), I predict that 1984 will serve up some excellent inspired material for the first few issues. An abbreviated period of literary and artistic stagnation will follow. If we’re lucky, there will be a feeble rally. But eventually, the magazine will succumb to sagging sales. We’ll see an early death and a reclassification to comic book legendry. And a few years from now we’ll all be saying, “Remember ‘78 when ‘84 was being published? Man, those were the days!”
Puh-leeeeeeeeeese! Prove me wrong!

update 190131: Neither Jim Warren nor his considerable fan base proved me wrong. I don’t get a great deal of satisfaction out of being right so often. I see the same patterns being repeated in comics, culture, and politics, and while there is a certain arch comfort to it all, it also makes me a little sad. Anyway, as I expected, 1984 (renamed 1994 as the eponymous year approached) managed to offer up some especially choice covers by Patrick Woodruffe, and several nice stories by the likes of Alex Nino, Richard Corben, and Wally Wood, among other luminaries, even as it presented an otherwise warm and steaming pile of gratuitous drivel.

Got Him By the Short and Curly ( February 1984, The SPiRiT #3 )

setup 190131By the time that Will EiSNER had concluded his weekly involvement with new SPiRiT adventures, Denny Colt and company had already been reprinted in a variety of books, and would continue to be haphazardly re-presented until Kitchen Sink would launch its assiduously contiguous series in 1982. Theretofore, tracking the internal continuity of the adventures in and around Central City was usually challenging and often frustrating, but richly rewarding!

As attractive a package as the new SPiRiT comic is, it still leaves me dissatisfied. Originally, the Spirit appeared at the rate of once a week, or a page a day. The new bi-monthly effects a rate of .46 pages per day. This will just not do,
I confess, as dissatisfied as I might be, you’ve still got me by the short and curly. I’ve loved the Spirit since I saw Warren’s first edition. Before then I had been an avid comic book fan and had reconciled myself to my mother’s friendly ridicule. Finally, when I brought home that first Spirit she did an about face. “The Spirit!” she exclaimed. “Now that’s good! Much better than the crap you usually read. I thought he was gone for good.” Apparently she had grown up with Denny Colt and still had fond memories. Thanks, Mr Eisner, for finally shutting her up.
Keep turning a profit and keep printing The SPiRiT. We are few, granted, but we are weak, and will buy The SPiRiT in damn near any format.

update 190130: I guess I’d forgotten that my actual first exposure to the SPiRiT was in the pages of Jim Steranko’s excellent History of Comics, predating his Warren debut by a few years.
Go get yourself a copy after you’ve bought all of my stuff!

submitted but not printed ( April 1984, in re World’s Finest #304 )

World’s Finest 176, June 1968: A mediocre cover which served mainly to showcase the protagonists thereunder. A new seventeen-page story illustrated by that new Neal Adams fellow who’d lately been generating shockwaves through fandom with his treatment of the Spectre and Deadman and churning out a veritable flood of covers for the Superman line. So THIS is the much heralded “New Superman.” WF 176, just the second installment of a long and happy relationship? (*sigh*) Backing it up, a reprinting of six forgettable pages featuring the Martian Manhunter.
World’s Finest 304, April 1984: A cover stunning in its simple brutality, though just a little misleading. Supes gets no black eye inside, but Ed Hannigan‘s and Klaus Janssen‘s graphic license grabbed me by the throat and hasn’t let go yet. Up front: a cleaner, crisper reprinting (that new “mando” paper stock sure helps!) of the aforementioned seventeen pages, with corrected colors, no less! (And two new mistakes, also, but… ) Finishing the already satisfying package: a delightfully memorable five-page vignette which is more an exposition of the world’s fastest friendship than a story proper. It was a gentle, sensitive interlude. Even the “obligatory action” served mainly to display the distinct personalities of Kal and Bruce, as well as providing a soupcon of comic relief. Well done.
World’s Finest 176 and 304: Interesting bit of symmetry there.

“If I Wanted Cute” ( July 1984, DC Comics Presents #71 )

setup 190130During its run through the Eighties, DCCP was a team-up book featuring Superman and a super guest star of the month. One December in 1983 I noticed the current issue had a more seasonal feature. The book at the time was edited by Julius Schwartz and Nelson Bridwell, though the letters’ column was handled by Bob Rozakis.

When I saw the cover of DCCP #67 I nearly recoiled in revulsion. I mean, Superman and Santa Claus? Really? Who do they think they’re kidding? Thinking it over, I considered that since Santa Claus is not an established character in the DC DisContinuum [or Degenerate Cosmos?], this would be your basic cute Superman Christmas story.
Still, I was disgusted; if I wanted cute, I’d read the A-Team.

Somehow I found the book in my hands and thought something like, “Well, how appropriate. If the Superdude is going to be teamed up with the Claus, what better adversary than The Terrible Toyman?” Perhaps it was only curiosity. After all, this was only a basic Superman story, as I reasoned above. Who did the folks at DC have in mind as the basic Superman artist these days? So I opened the book up to about the middle and…

Blinked! I looked more closely at the clean and simple blocking, the warm, smooth ink-line, and swore softly to myself. Could it be? Could it be? I looked at a few more pages, squinting this way and that, and… I knew. Great Rao, I knew! Just for the final confirmation I turned to the credits and…
Yes!! [Douglas! Clyde!SWANDERSON!
Have you any idea how long I’ve waited for the ultimate art-team on Superman? I’d just about given up hope. I’d certainly given up Superman. Let me recant here and now. (And blush a little if Swanderson’s been seen prior to DCCP 67.) If Swanderson is back with Superman on a regular basis, then by golly, maybe I am too.
One final problem. Having purchased the [damned] thing, how do I sneak it into the house past my wife? I mean, really, Superman and Santa Claus? I’d never hear the end of it.

update 190130: Parts of this letter were reproduced from memory and re-inclusions are denoted by [bracketed italics]. Mr Rozakis was probably correct to clip the phrase “Degenerate Cosmos.” He, or many readers, might have inferred therefrom that I was some kind of fundy prude making a snide comment about the spandex clad buff bodies that are replete throughout super-heroic fantasy. I remember it so clearly because I knew it was actually a clever reference to plenary theory and quantum mechanics.

During late Pre-Crisis continuity Lethargy Lad was known as “College Boy”, and his and Early Riser’s finances were so tight, between tuition, rent, and groceries for the growing Lethargy League, that the Sacred Comic Book Budget took a serious hit. So serious a hit was it that a couple of rare contributions to special issues or annuals by Curt Swan and Murphy Anderson were actually missed. This is why, when I discovered their work again in late 1983, I thought that it might be their first teaming since their run on Superman and Action Comics had played out ten years earlier.
Since spinning off the young Lethargy League into their individual series, and returning to solo-star status, Lethargy Lad has managed to fill in a few more gaps in the “historical records.” Nevertheless, that comment about sneaking things past Busy Body was only partly a joke. Later she agreed that no one beat Curt and Murph in making Superman look like Superman, and we were both delighted when, just a month later, the Team Supreme returned for a follow-up tale in the pages of DCCP 68.

Corps Values ( September 1984, Green Lantern vol2 #180 )

setup 190128“September” 1984 was a “Red Letter Month.” I’m no Mad Maple or Irene Vartanoff, so two submissions published in one month was pretty exciting for this eager letterhack. Given publishing schedules, these appeared more likely in June, and were probably written around March, though possibly weeks apart.
First up to Len Wein at the helm of DC’s Green Lantern:

“It was a beautiful kite.”
( * sigh * )
It was a beautiful story.

There is only one Gil Kane, alas, and I for one can’t get enough of his Green Lantern. I know he is not wedded to DC, nor to Green Lantern in particular, but try, try, wheedle-cajole-and-beg at least two GLC shorts out of him per year. As one of the primary creators of the Corps it is only fitting that he continues to help unfold this tapestry. Pursuant to “Final Duties,” high praise is due also to Len Wein for his elegantly understated narrative.

As a continuity fanatic, and as a self-designated unofficial Corps historian, I ask you to agree to the following assertions by not contradicting them, or to correct them by citing a reference to Green Lantern #X, Y, or Z, which may be missing from my library.
Kwo Varrikk is the same Green Lantern who first appeared in GL #11 and was identified only as the Green Lantern of Rojira (also homeworld to Rori Dag, the first Green Lantern.
Rojira, Minos III, Minos IV, Krodarr, Vrygoth, Elysium, and Balgus VI are all in space sector 1177, a number selected to commemorate GL #s 11 and 177, the hallmark issues of Kwo Varrikk’s career.

And now, Len and Gil, about the new Green Lantern of Sector 1177, what’s his story?

Wein responds: While we’d love to accommodate you, LG, we’re not entirely certain we can. Seems to us the Green Lantern of Rojira, while having the same bald head and skin color as Kwo Varrikk, also had his nose in the middle of his forehead above his eyes, which Varrikk decidedly does not. Of course, it would make life a whole lot simpler if Varrikk was indeed the GL of Rojira and we chalked up the nasal discrepancy to artistic license, but we’re not quite ready to take such a giant step by ourselves.
So we throw the floor open to you, dear readers. If anyone out there agrees that Kwo Varrikk is the ring-slinger of space-sector 1177, or disagrees, or has another opinion entirely, write and let us know.

Update 190128: I don’t recall any follow-up from fandom assembled over the issue of Kwo Varrikk’s provenance, but it was never renounced any more convincingly than Editor Wein’s charming shuffle-and-dodge. While I can’t claim it’s exactly canon, IT DID SEE PRINT. Then it was reiterated by Wein himself, albeit as weakly as he’d earlier challenged it. He also neglects “The First Green Lantern” from GL 67 which clearly depicts a Rojiran with Kwo Varrikk’s approximate physiognomy and coloration. The one long shot image from GL 11 was perhaps ambiguous. The alleged nostrils may well have been a deeply furrowed brow. Or maybe Varrikk had recently been in a fight, and due to the plasticity of Rojiran physiology, his face was deformed. This fanboy’s gonna go with that, at least in the timeline running through MY head.

“It’s been a fun life.” ( September 1984, LSH vol3 #2 )

setup 181114: Paul Levitz was a perfectly adequate editor in his own right, but I think it may have been DC’s policy that writers not edit their own work. I don’t know. At any rate the Legion at that time was edited by Karen Berger, to whom I addressed the following remarks. Nevertheless, Levitz himself handled the “Letters to the Editor” column because, well, I suspect because he liked to.
Herewith are my remarks from 1984 regarding Levitz’ and his collaborators’ super-heroic confabulation, The Legion of Super-Heroes, and in particular, their character, Dream Girl.

Brilliant. Just brilliant. I couldn’t have said it better myself. In LSH vol 2 number 310, Nura Nal coins her own best epitaph (and I hope she never needs it as such.)

Preparing for an action which, at best, will neatly suck Omen out of her universe and, at worst, kill her, her compatriots, and possibly all of Khundia, she succinctly sums up her existence and completely crystallizes her character.

“It’s been a fun life.”
Beautiful.

Not, “It’s been a useful life,” nor “…a productive life,” nor “…a meaningful life,” nor any other of the abundant clichés of individual subordination. “It’s been a fun life.” Nura knows. I know. Paul Levitz apparently knows.   (Whether or not he believes it himself.  Steve Ditko obviously knows — see AVENGiNG WORLD.) If human existence has any purpose at all, it is the pursuit of pleasure. Whether we derive pleasure from a job well done, from helping others, or from helping ourselves, fundamentally we’re in the game for number one. It’s the human thing, we must depend first on ourselves for our own happiness. Aside from contractual obligations, nobody owes us anything, and we owe nobody our lives. Not our church, not our party, not our race, nor tribe, nor “society,” and certainly not the state.

Thank you Nura. Thank you Paul. Keep up the good word.

Levitz responds:
“Whew! One of the best parts of writing the Legion is seeing what depths of character readers can analyze out of brief sentences. While we’d agree with your analysis (largely) with respect to Nura, LG, we’d hate to be accused of believing as our various characters do. — pl.”

update 181114: I don’t condemn Levitz’ hesitation to commit to radical individualism; Nura Nal and Steve Ditko and I represent the narrow end of that particular bell curve and I know how awkward it gets out here.

In spite of that, Paul Levitz remains a great personal hero of mine. In the mid to late 1970s he and Neal Adams led the charge to help Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster reclaim their interests in Superman. Going up for decades against the metastasizing goliath that had become Warner Communications, Siegel and Shuster had all but given up hope.

Adams gets a great deal of the credit for their eventual triumph, and he deserves it, but people often neglect this very impressive difference. At the time Neal Adams was a powerhouse in the industry. Just about every publisher in town was courting him and he was writing his own golden ticket. To speak of Adams as Adams himself might, “The son of a bitch carried some goddamned weight and the corporate suits dared not fuck with him.” If Warner held a grudge Adams could stroll across the street.

Paul Levitz, however, carried no such weight. He was admittedly a tyro writer and a rising star with an MBA on the way and Earth-Two’s Bat-Daughter in his portfolio, but still, he knew the history of DC AND Donenfeld’s toxic legacy. He knew what had happened to writers before him who had pushed too hard.
He pushed anyway.
For the Fathers of the Man of Steel, he couldn’t not push.

Paul Levitz and Neal Adams may disagree with me on matters of art or food or politics, but I still hold them both in the highest of esteem, both as artists, and as men.

update 201026, The Levitz Himself sets me straight“Thanks for the kind words, but I had no role in getting Jerry and Joe their credits [in the] 1975 deal with Warner. That was due to Neal, Jerry Robinson and a number of others. I was honored to be their primary contact at DC from about 1981 on, and to play a role in improving their compensation in those years, and to have worked on the agreement that courts eventually ruled as a final one with the Siegel family, but I can’t take credit for anything on the 1975 deal.” (lifted from Levitz’ response to my posting some of the above onto the seriagraphic celebration cite, The 13th Dimension.)

Renouncing the “American Way”

21 October 2021

Proclaiming their more broadly inclusive globalist sensibilities (and betraying their obvious allegiance to the Chinese market), DC® and WarnerCom® announce that the new Supermen® (father or current son) will no longer be standing for anything so patriarchal, racist, heteronormative, or cisbinarycentric as
Truth, Justice, and the American Way.”

Because, according to some, “The American Way” has changed. Or even that “the world, the universe is bigger than just one country. Superman is there for everyone.” And so is the American Way. Indeed, that is probably the most appealing thing about them both. They are there for everyone who is ready to embrace them.

But “The American Way,” as an aspirational ideal, has not changed since (obviously flawed) Thomas Jefferson first penned the Declaration of Independence, and it had not changed by the time that (obviously flawed) other writers put those words into boxes and balloons surrounding Smallville’s Favorite Son®. What HAS changed is an understanding of the unique characters of American society, and how “The American Way” continues to inspire and energize freedom seeking peoples from across the globe.

correspondent BS objects, and points out that “the US is the biggest obstacle to freedom in the world!” Arguably. The occupation “federal” government of the united States may well be the greatest threat to liberty in the world, it is certainly the most heavily armed, but we must learn to distinguish between a state (the government, “a gang of thieves writ large”), the country (the land itself, “from sea to shining sea”), and the nation (the people, their language, and their culture). The F’eral Govt has been deaf to “The American Way” for most of its existence. And perhaps a majority of Americans have abandoned such concepts as fair play, due process, and the presumption of innocence. But The American Way endures, and it is a banner worth waving, and the
Metropolis Marvel® has always been a worthy champion.

update 211115 — On loving Truth, Justice, and the American Way, but explaining to FascBuch friends why I’m dropping Superman from my pull list.
I adore super-heroic fantasy, but I often bemoan the failures of education and insight exhibited by many of the commie writers in the trade. I had to stop following Superman recently when he despaired of “capitalists creating poverty.” I know, I know, it’s SUPPOSED to be childish fun, but even an atavistic fanboy has his limits.

Commie Trek®

12 April 2021Star Trek® is a wonderful fantasy whose benign communism only works internally because replicator tech has eliminated most scarcity. As a consequence, there’s no need for mass murder to balance the books. It’s make believe, and many Trekkies know this, and we try to be patient with our leftie friends. But it’s hard. Sometimes it’s really really hard.

210712Speaking a bit more than nonsense, and, “as a huuuuuge Star Trek fan.….” a cordial correspondent agrees with my assessment. “But even in Star Trek, we humans are still subject to our natures. With a replicator and a holodeck, what makes you want to go out and be a productive member of society? Replicate some burgers and go plug in Lonely Space Vixens XVIII® .

230907 — correspondent Towlej Jumuk points out that “even with the replicators Star Trek® had quite a bit of capitalism. Kirk® trading for Dilithium Crystals®, poker game in the next generation.Jum includes this comment from Captain Janeway® to Commander Tuvok®: “No matter how vast the differences may be between cultures, people always have something that somebody else wants. And trade is born.” I am grateful to both Jum and Janeway’s writers for the reminders. Hopeless leftists that they are, they can’t help themselves. Trek® writers try to depict realistic human emotions, and human action ALWAYS spawns rational market activity. Bless their squishy commie hearts, even as they express the inherent contradictions of their cherished belief systems, doublethink protects them from seeing it.

211009 — in other Trekterpretations®… Spiders are clearly the Klingons® of our present Terrestrial Federation — staunch allies, dangerous foes, and creepy as all get out. Of course I am grateful and respectful, when I find one in the house I usually manage to safely transport it out so that it can resume defending the frontier. I guess that makes Dragonflies the Vulcans ®— also a little weird, but overall benign and exotically beautiful.

shown: Admiral Ball as a young communications ensign,
rockin’ that mini!

Dull Disclosure

2 December 2020

correspondent JP asks: Hey, is your name pronounced “Jean Grey®“?
Are you an X-Man and just not telling us?

That is the correct pronunciation, and while Stan and Jack tagged their issue “Jean” in 1963, my creators tagged me with “Gene” in 1956. Is it a happy coincidence? Not as much as I’d like. There ARE red pigments in my hair, but my telekinesis remains undeveloped, and my entrance into a room does NOT excite adolescent boys (nor adolescent middle-aged men who ride in wheelchairs).

featured graphic,
Jean (“Marvel Girl®”) Grey
Created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby
claimed de jure by Das MausenKorp®

Poker Night

18 February 2019

I like to imagine that some of my favorite Legionnaires, Brainiac 5, Bouncing Boy, Ultra Boy, Colossal Boy, and I (Lethargy Lad) get together every other Saturday night to play poker and pass the pipe. Sometimes the girls like to hang out too, which is great, because Kara can always quick chill our beers (Jo can‘t do it because when he drinks he forgets to switch powers and then he risks frostbiting his own fingers), and Yera usually manages to dig up some cousin or another for me who often looks amazingly like Bettie Page or Myrna Loy.

Playing poker with Brainy can be a mixed bag. The man knows his odds, but he can’t read anybody’s tells, and we can all read his. We generally clean him out.

update 200914: I adore Brainy! Don’t get me wrong. I generally tease most those I love most. It hadn’t occurred to me until recently (I can be astonishingly dense) that most of my favorite fictional characters share the same “defect” (aspect?) as I: Sherlock Holmes, Mark Duquesne, Brainiac 5, and Red Forman are all either unable or unwilling to sustain the pretense that people are not fools. In my case and Brainy’s I think it’s mainly unable. We try to be nice (he is a Legionnaire, after all!) but it’s just so hard. I think Red and Sherlock are mainly nice guys, too, but Sherlock is also coked out, and Red is just so fed up. (Blacky Duquesne was an evil bastard, of course, but still, standards are standards.)

* * * * * * advertisement * * * * * *

cover illustration by Frank FrazettaTarzan created by Edgar Rice Burroughs.  Used without permission.  Piracy Press is a non-profit enterprise dedicated to the preservation and distribution of great art and ripping good yarns.

Digital Damage by Lethargy Lad.  Price per issue:  Ten Centigrams Gold.

Stories are selected with the greatest of discrimination, but even numbered issues of Daring Love are specifically edited with the prurient interests of atavistic fanboys in mind.  Reader discretion is advised.

A Covenant with Covetry

7 April, 2019

Correspondent DB recently scored the uber-coolest issue of Adventure Comics, number 300, featuring the beginning of 81 consecutive issues of “Tales of the Legion of Super-Heroes” before they bowed out in deference to fellow Legionnaire Supergirl. I’ve read (and have) the story in reprinted version, so I don’t necessarily “need” that particular issue myself. But still…
It is such a plum.

I’d say I envied him if the stupid dictionary didn’t insist that I had to resent him first, and I’d say I was jealous if I thought that it was actually my property. So… sigh…

I admire the choices he made to come to this point in his life, and I aspire to acquire such cool things as he just did.

Sigh…
You’d think it would be easier to just say “envy.”
Or “covet.” Is “covet” still benign and wholesome? Or have the self-loathing scolds at Lexicon Central corrupted that one, too?

Featured above: The beginning of the Legion’s run in Adventure in 1962, and who followed their demise in 1969. Okeh, “demise” might be an overstatement. In fact the features swapped spots and the Legion was squeezed into the back of Action Comics, to later sputter out and precipitate the first Great Drought. Cover art by (left) Curt Swan & George Klein and (right) Curt Swan & Neal Adams. Adventure Comics, Sunboy, Saturn Girl, Cosmic Boy, Superboy, Lightning Lad, Triplicate Girl, Mon-El. Superman, Supergirl, and That All-Girl Gang are the works and properties of Detective Comics and Warner Communications. Used without permission. Constitutes free advertisement on DC’s behalf at the expense of Piracy Press and Greigh Area Associates.

SO (please don’t) SUE ME

Assuming there are any profits, of course. So far Piracy Press consists of me (Lethargy Lad, Editing Emir and Digital Doofus), my scanner/printer, Bill Gates’ software, and the United States Post Office. What I print is mostly given to my friends who haven’t complained enough for me to stop yet. Some have seen fit to subsidize my efforts, but any “profits” are still strictly imaginary.

Besides…

Piracy Press is a non-profit enterprise dedicated to the preservation and distribution of great art and ripping good yarns. We are strictly small time, and if you’re so self-absorbed as to take this to trial it can be certain that you MAY NOT HAVE (that would be both incidental and irrelevant) but you WOULD BE the biggest dick in the court.

Still, I’m eager for ya’ll to make contact, and please do. I’m too lazy to look all of ya up, and frankly a little embarrassed by the smallness of my “enterprise.” Still, I fancy that you’ll like what I’ve done and that maybe we actually can see some sort of profit (a little more generous to me than a hundred per cent for you, I hope), and, as always, there seems to be no limit to the amount of praise that my ego can soak up.
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