Republican Lies

11 May 2002

“Why should I vote for you when you’re not going to win anyway? Are you advocating that I should waste my vote?”

Never. Just like dollars in the market place, every vote sends a message. When you walk into McDonald’s to spend your cash you are telling Burger King that you don’t like their selection, their prices, or their location. Admittedly, it takes a lot of transactions (dollars or votes) for the message to get through, but it will get through. It all adds up.

Every time you vote for a Democrat or a Republican you are telling them that you like what they’ve been doing. You are endorsing their continued encroachment upon our civil liberties. You are giving your approval to higher taxes. You are saying you support their schemes to strip Americans of their rights to privacy and to keep and bear arms. You are giving your consent to their vicious drug war.

When you vote Bipartisan, you become an accessory to their crimes. You help Lon Horiuchi to murder Vickie Weaver. You support Janet Reno’s incineration of eighty people at Mount Carmel, and you assist the CIA and the Peruvian air force to butcher Veronica Bowers and her infant daughter. If you continue to vote Bipartisan, knowing their blood-stained record, then the blood is on your hands.

“Those were tragic accidents,” you might think, or maybe ,“They brought it on themselves.” Nevertheless, the Democratic and Republican War on Unpopular Drugs, and their War on Civil Rights, and their War on your Right to Keep and Bear Arms will have consequences which are as inevitable and as predictable as stress fracture and fatigue are to an engineer, and just as catastrophic. If we keep sowing the same corrupt seeds, we will continue to reap the same bitter harvest.

Okay, maybe that’s a little heavy. After all, many voters simply vote on pocket book issues, and really have no interest beyond the economy. They ask, “Why vote for Libertarians, who promise real tax relief, when they can’t win? The Republicans may be less than perfect, but at least they can accomplish something.” It’s a fair objection. To my Republican and Independent friends who think that maybe the next election the Republicans will actually follow through on their free market claims, I have to ask, “What can you expect?”

After six years as Governor, Republican George W Bush left a Texas state government larger than the one he acquired from Ann Richards. After eight years as President of the USA, Republican Ronald Reagan left a federal government and a national debt more than twice the size as the one he inherited from Jimmy Carter. Democrats controlled the House of Representative for over forty years, growing the federal government and our tax burden every step of the way. After eight years of Republican control, the federal government is larger and more expensive than ever.

Bipartisan voters are a lot like the victims of abusive relationships.
“How can you stay with him?” we ask.
And the sad pathetic answer is inevitably, “He didn’t mean it. He’s really trying harder. This time it will be different.”

Next time, it’s not going to be any different, unless we do something different. As long as we keep returning Democrats and Republicans to the seats of power, government will grow, your freedom and security will fade away, and your paycheck will continue to shrink.

Next time, vote Libertarian.

update 180531: While Lon Horiuchi and Larry Smith remain at large, Janet Reno (aka “The Wicked Witch of Waco”) is now safely dead, and the rest of the Clintonista may have been successfully defanged. On the other hand, John (“When a Man Loves a War, Man”) Bolton still exercises his dark influence over our present Puppet-in-Chief and doubtless salivates over the prospect of catching Iran alone one dark night.

Why am I so much harder on Republicans?. Is it guilt? Maybe. If I’m any sort of archist at all, I’m surely more of a republican than I am a democrat. I suppose I hold my own to a higher standard. Also, as confessed commies, I expect Democrats to act like children, so their foolishness offends me less. Republicans, on the other hand, often claim to be “the grown-ups in the room” and they talk a pretty good free market on the campaign trail. But when they start illegal wars and squander tax loot like a liquored up Lyndon Johnson, I’m going to point it out. (This is also why I consider BHWB44 to be only 97% as evil as BHWB43. Unlike Dubya, Bario never actually claimed to be a conservative.)

Drug War Hysteria

4 April 2002

As drug warriors’ hysterical objections to medical marijuana wither in the light of logic, and collapse in the face of compassion, they turn predictably to the appeal of “higher authority.”

Law enforcement officials testify against humane liberalization, claiming that it would be a violation of federal law. They forget, however, that the federal government has no constitutional authority over local law enforcement. Our Constitution grants the federal government specific authority over the states in terms of national defense, monetary policy, and interstate commerce, but it is silent on the subjects of cannabis, codeine or Kona coffee.

The Tenth Amendment says, “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States, respectively, or to the people.”

Since the Constitution (though originally printed on hemp paper) never mentions marijuana, it is for Hawaii to decide the issue, federal statute notwithstanding. If Hawaii’s constitution or legislature were to remain likewise silent, then it would be for the people to medicate themselves as they saw fit.

It can be further argued that Hawaii’s legislature has no jurisdiction on the issue either. According to the Ninth Amendment, “The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.” Out Founders understood that the rights of the individual are as diverse as people themselves, and any attempt to list them all would be tedious and frivolous.

For over a century, Americans recognized the right of self-medication to be as fundamental to human liberty as self defense or the right to property, as basic as eating or breathing. They realized that in order for them to delegate to the Congress or to State Legislatures the power to regulate alcohol, they would have to amend the Constitution.

As the people have not yet seen fit to amend the constitution to prohibit less popular drugs, it is clear that the drug war is not only destructive, immoral, and irrational, but illegal as well.

update 180107: Alleged Constitutional-Scholar-and-College-Professor Obama was certainly no friend of liberty, but even he could see the massive rolling wave of cash and cannabis freedom staggering across the Union. Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions lectures us on a “return to the rule of law” but forgets his own oath of office (and Mr Trump’s and Mr Obama’s and mine and all other federal employees’, past and present) to obey America’s highest law, the US Constitution, whose Tenth Amendment specifically reserves to the States all powers NOT DELEGATED to the united States.
Carrie Nation and her Prohibitionist ilk at least recognized that the Constitution didn’t say anything about booze, so they sucked it up and wrote that particularly bad idea into the Constitution through the Amendment process. (Note to Director Anslinger, General Sessions, and Officer Krupke: it also says nothing about weed.)
El Donaldo had better short-leash J-Beau, and right quick!
He’s making Barachio look good!

update 180109: correspondent JS notes the confluence of Shakespeare, Sondheim, and politics. Sure, politics was easy, the piece reeks of it. The Sondheim reference was a little more subtle, but hardly hidden. Shakespeare? That one puzzled me for a bit, but I see it now. Petruchio was certainly the mercurial fortune seeking opportunist who married a strong-willed “shrew”, but I was thinking more of Carlo Collodi’s tale of the notorious liar whose nose grew with each deceit.

update 180313: Since Hawaii’s legislature contemplated liberalizing its own statutory canons in the early Naughties, and as more angry old voters die, enlightened politicians come to understand more clearly the compelling logic that has assailed them for generations. So I guess it’s true, “Our Democracy” IS a living, evolving thing — like herpes or ebola.

update 180320: I have to take issue with Mr Trump’s proposal to kill drug dealers. Since I keep myself in groceries and electricity through my involvement in organized gambling, drugs, and extortion (I sell beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets at the Quikk Stopp by the Interstate, where I am also obliged to collect “sales taxes”) I feel that I am being unjustly targeted. I know that emphysema and cancer and cirrhosis of the liver and chronic poverty are all serious issues, but I don’t force any of my products onto any of my clientele. Nor, I suspect, do any other successful merchants. Free trade happens only when each party perceives himself to be better off after the transaction. Issues of fraud or misrepresentation can be handled separately, and are in no way a function of the product itself. We have decades of evidence now demonstrating that Jim Beam and Seagram’s continue to NOT shoot it out over turf. There is no drug so destructive as prohibition itself.

update 180413: Nancy Baloney’s spine apparently remains in storage somewhere in Westchester along with his testicles. The Capitulator’s late life conversion comes safely at a time when he need not risk appearing humane, rational, or “soft on drugs.” Claiming that his thinking on cannabis has “evolved,” Weepy John suddenly realizes that:
(1) Enough angry old voters are now dead. No need for frightened and timid Republicans to continue the sadistic cruelty of prohibition, and
(2) He’s out of office. What does he care what silly voters believe?
But most of all, after shilling for the Drug Lords of Reynolds American for decades, he now finds that Acreage Holdings is also offering cash.

update 180923: Charlotte Elmore and other sufferers from chronic pain are wise to fear the lethal power of Ohio’s legislature. Though sufferers for generations have managed their pain with opiATEs, cannabis, chamomile, and alcohol. most such benign homegrown remedies have been prohibited by our merciful masters to make way for their sponsors’ artificial and toxic opiOIDs, which inflict further discomfort as they inhibit eliminatory efficacy. Of course, it’s all for the best; years of pharmaceutical industry research has shown that there is no clear link between homegrown remedies and hefty campaign contributions. Drug dealers like me and my employer have even more cause to fret. If “it is appropriate to hold accountable those who dispense… drugs that can kill,” then should I and every other clerk at every other Quikk Stopp along the Interstate look forward to being jacked up by Mike DeWine’s legions of eager DAs for our contributions to emphysema, cancer, and bronchitis?

update 190615: “Protecting our Traditions” — One can usually rely on government to sanctify bigotry and barbarity. In the name of protecting social order and preserving our traditions, government would regularly weigh in on the side of the entrenched and the popular. It enforced the Fugitive Slave Act (in spite of abolitionist nullification measures), passed the Democrat authored “Jim Crow” restrictions and prosecuted race-mixing scoff-laws, criminalized consensual sex acts, and tortured to death the terminally ill by locking them in cages and denying them their tumor-combating cannabis. Buckeye bigots can breathe more easily these days, knowing that Massa will smile on their discharging nonconformist junkies. [Ohio Legislature provides legal cover for drug test “failure” dismissals]. Silly potheads don’t seem to understand that one joint will render a formerly “good person” unfit to work anywhere ever, while a quart of Wild Jerkey® on Sunday night, plus two Dead Gulls® and a pack of Llama Llights® on Monday morning, and you’re magically good to go.

update 190714: “Persecutorial Discretion” — In their vain efforts to promote reason, sanity, and humanity, the sponsors of the “no fine, no time” measures (Cincinnati Enquirer 14 July) forget one very important point. It’s the same point glossed over by peace-loving anarchists in THEIR campaign to civilize society. Without government, who would beat up potheads and throw them into cages? In some communities, prosecutorial discretion undermines the legislature’s fatwa on freedom. When will people understand that Big Brother loves them?

update 190831: “Predatory Paradox” — For a classically perverse example of pandering, posturing, puffery, and perfidy watch as Ohio’s mendacious mandarins both threaten AND subsidize the drug lords (AmeriSource, Cardinal, McKesson, et al) doing business on their turf. Like sharks or jackals catching the scent of blood, Buckeye Bureaucrats converge on their injured prey (genus Deeppocketus Corporatii), in this case Johnson & Johnson, who’d just taken a substantial hit from Sooner Statists to the tune of about a half a Gigabuck. During decades of threats and intimidation to keep ailing consumers away from such benign homegrown remedies as cannabis, chamomile, opium poppies, and raw milk, legislators chased sufferers toward more aggressive analgesics with tragic side effects. If not for the sacrament of “Sovereign Immunity” victims of chronic pain would have cause for suit since they had been denied relief in the name of protecting political contributors.

update 191025: As The War on (some) Drugs continues to rage, the collateral damage mounts. One might be inclined to withhold sympathies from licensed MDs, as they are willing participants in (if not actual accomplices to) the regulatory therapeutic state. As for the victims of chronic pain, however, I have nothing but sympathy. Doctors willingly place themselves into this “damned if ya do et cetera” bind but nobody asks for a debilitating injury. But of course it is all worth it, because what kind of message would we be sending The Children if we suggested that grownups should make their own decisions and deal with the consequences of their actions? If it stops just one glassy eyed slacker from dumping Cheeto® dust all over Mommy’s new couch, our sacrifices will not have been in vain.

update 191118: in re Obama’s-man-Biden to Vegas crowd —
Reactionary Reprobate Reveals Revulsion to
Relinquishing Restrictions on Recreational Reefer

update 191122: For a Portrait of Pusillanimity, we need look no further than Cryin’ John, also known as former Speaker of the House Nancy Baloney, Obama’s Ottoman, the Caliph of Capitulation, and the Sultan of Surrender.  This principled politician, golf buddy of the Prez  and toady of the tobacco cartel, “served” as Speaker between the reigns of Nancy Pelucid and Paul R’Ayneau, during which time he stood firmly against “sending our children the wrong message.”
Of course, it would be a mistake to judge the Westchester Whimperer solely on the basis of his sycophantic speakership.  Upon retirement from “public service” he has parlayed his notoriety and expertise into a new gig as a flack for the newly legalized cannabis industry.  His concern for “our children” seems to have dissipated now that he no longer fears the electoral vengeance of angry old voters.  What’s more, as it turns out, cannabis lobbyists ALSO deliver truckloads of cash to spineless spokesmodels.

update 200100: Decades of research reveal no clear link between homegrown remedies and hefty campaign contributions.

Broken (and kept) Promises

2 March 2019

Leftie hysterics assured us that if President Trump were to install Betsy deVos as Secretary of Education that she would destroy public education in America. If only. Two years in and the nightmare of organized child abuse (a.k.a. “public education”) continues to terrorize and warp the minds of the helpless. Leftists can’t seem to keep their promises.

But let’s give Mrs deVos some credit. Her new educational tax credit plan would allow those of us who are presently sickened by our involuntary support for tyranny, murder, and graft to divert some of our stolen money from President Bushbama’s friends at Halliburton and Solyndra to help out Jean and the Kids at the Freedom School.

Let the shrieking commence.

update 210223: It’s bad enough when leftists break their promises (about Betsy’s ending F’eral interference in education, for example). It’s even worse when they keep them. President Select Harris and Former Vice President Biden seem intent on keeping theirs, and so far have faithfully squandered endless (arguably already useless) Senator-hours and destroyed thousands of (otherwise rewarding) jobs.

On Scientism

27 April 2018 — “NASA is back!
You know what it is?  It’s great.  It’s science.  Important.”
Donal Ivan Fredovitch Trumpchev

5 February 2021

It is stipulated (generally by theists, miscalling atheists and agnostics) that “Scientism” is “the religious belief that is underpinned by faith in the scientific establishment,” and that it “has its own customs and nomenclature,” and clergy who “are known as ‘scientists.'” A particular proponent of this thesis also avers that “most believers don’t even know their own scripture.” On that latter point I cannot help but agree, probably in the matter of all faiths, let alone alleged “scientism.”

And no, they don’t mean “Scientologists.” The proponents make that clear as well. (I suspect they get credit for being seekers or something.) Their “scientismics” are those of us who buy into the moon landing or thermodynamics or vaccines or electricity or the heliocentric model. Especially the heliocentric model.

Contra their thesis, I would assert that very few (if any) actual scientists could be scientismics. Other than that one point, I’m happy to accept their definition. But it seems to me the real scientismics would be the troofers and the flerfers and the chemtrailers and others who would misuse the trappings of science to “support” fantasies like the flat earth or modern monetary theory.

update 210223: haunting suspicions enquire:
Is “flerfer” as offensive to flat earthers as “troofer” is to “9-11 Truthers?”
Or as funny as “magic bullet” is to the Deep State?

210317 — Vaccine! (meter stolen from Dolly Parton)

Vaccine!  Rapine!  It’s all obscene!
Please don’t shoot me up with RNA.
No unknown sera in my arm, I know you say it does no harm,
But you won’t say what side effects are seen.
Hank Aaron put it to the test, and now he takes his final rest,
But you can’t blame it on our great vaccine.
Ol’ Marvin Hagler took his shot, and with us further he is not,
But it’s because you skeptics are so mean!

Just because it hurts doesn’t make it not funny

29 February 1984 — Of course I am Lord and Master in my house, and my wife agrees.  She didn’t at first (sometimes she thinks I’m not very funny), but when I fully explained myself and defined it for her, she couldn’t help but be pleased.
I am a female chauvinist, and have been for as long as I can remember.  When I say “Lord and Master” I mean second in command to “Lady and Mistress.”
My duty is to enforce her will.
My desire is to influence her will.
update 200110:  Since composing the thoughts above, I have since added yet another favorite T-shirt/Bumpersticker slogan to the catalog in my head (thanks to the stranger who wore it):  “I LOVE it when MY WIFE lets me go fishing.”

14 March 2009
Oh Bearer of Light, Illuminate Our Path from this Garden of Ignorance

21 December 2010 — “I’m Ready”
After dealing with my Mom, my sister, two wives, a daughter, and various girlfriends, I’ve learned to understand Girl a little bit. 
“I’m ready” means “I’m ready for you to wait for me.”

“My Father Doesn’t Think Much of Me” (17 April 2014)
Now, that’s not to say that he dislikes or disrespects me. I just don’t think I cross his mind all that often. I love him and respect him and all, but we’re not pals. We are very different people.
He’s an affable joiner, I’m a troubled loner.
He’s a successful entrepreneur, I’m a low wage drone.
He’s a Born Again Christian, I’m an Atheist Materialist.
He’s a “conservative” and occasionally libertarian Republican, I’m a xenophilic anarchist (and a gay liberal republican).
Of course, we’re both successful breeders (thrice each) and divorced and remarried, though I’m more divorced than he is, but not by much.
update 210224:
Late reports from my stepmother suggest that in his advanced stage of dementia, Daddio doesn’t think of much of anything these days, though he still recognizes and loves his wife (and Jesus.) In other developments, he is comfortably retired and I am now a no-wage drone.

The Essentials    (4 April 2017) I expect that I could live without garlic or cannabis, but neither as well nor as long.

18 November 2017 — As a proper Anarcho Materialist Death Cultist I understand that ultimately we’re all doomed. I’m not at all depressed or bitter about it. Life is rich with tragedy and tragedy is rich with humor. If we couldn’t laugh we’d be crushed by the overwhelming sadness of life. As a proper Rastafarian Agnostic Sybarite, I often ask,
“Does not getting stoned REALLY help?”

1 September 2018 — What seems to inform Dangerous Cults?
Neither the New World Testament ( or The Book of Mormon ) nor Lamb ( or The Gospel According to Biff) contradict Ye Olde Testament or The New Improved Testament any more than they already contradict themselves. I haven’t yet read the Koran so I’m unqualified to weigh in on that one, but judging from the behavior of many of its adherents I gather that it is a grimmer and grittier version of the original. Sort of like Frank Miller’s Dark Knight up against Adam West’s Gotham Guardian.
Marxism is a competing faith, as is statism more generally. They all seem to be of a kind — theism, statism, nationalism, socialism — and I lump them together as types of collectivism and self abnegation. Lefties all!

8 July 2019 — Most Americans have a Phlogiston Theory of Human Rights, that they are a grant of our secular masters (Gub’mint) or our eternal master (Gawd). As usual, they get it exactly backward. We are not filled with rights by an outside entity. Like other human attributes, rights devolve organically from our nature.

12 July 2019 — It is well established that God is an Asshole.
The question remains, however, what kind exactly?
I paraphrase from memory. God tells Moses,
“I shall bring forth water from that stone. Hold out your staff.”

Moses strikes the rock with his staff.
God says, “I didn’t say shit about hitting any rocks. You’re screwed!”
God is a drill sergeant, who must be obeyed. TO. THE. LETTER!

22 July 2019 — One might consider Lutherans and Catholics (at least) to be natural Transcendental Mathematicians. I’ve read most of the major scriptural bases of Western Civilization, but haven’t witnessed all the liturgies of Christendom. Still, Lutherites and Papists both acknowledge the difference between for all time (“…for Thine is the power and glory Forever…”) and for all time and then some (“…and Ever.”) So far only Aleph-null and Aleph-one, but it’s a start.

27 August 2019
I know that God is cruel when David Koch dies of cancer but
The Deleterious RBG does not. update 201119: Maybe God got my complaint and balanced things up, having harvested Ginsburg recently. Still, when I further reflect that Chris Wallace and Chris Hayes and Chris Cuomo all continue to live, and Chris Farley does not…

8 September 2019 — Most theists “Know” Gods’ Love the same way Susan Smith’s sons “knew” that Mamma loved them. They wished to believe it so much that the thought of its not being true was too painful to accept.

25 May 2020 — “Love is not enough,” said Elizabeth Holloway Marston
(and others, too, but at least her character said so in the film
Professor Marston and the Wonder Women“.)
But without love, everything else is also not enough.

22 June 2020 — The only people to ever tell me that “Money isn’t Everything” had more of it than I have. And it seems like, the more they had, the more adamant they were about it. Which of course makes perfect sense; on those elevated margins it is much less valuable, just like everything else.

DC Statehood?

update 1 February 2021

The proposed State of “Washington-Douglass Commonwealth” (nee District of Columbia) is another bad idea whose time may have come. The idea that a territory that cannot police itself, support itself, nor defend itself should be considered a “free and independent state” defies reason, history, and the Constitution. How good an idea this might be for the Democrat party, and how bad an idea for the rest of humanity, have been belabored elsewhere.

Instead, I’ll point out that this is another case of right problem/wrong solution. “Taxation (with or) without Representation” is indeed tyranny, and it is embarrassing that not all American taxpayers are permitted a voice in the House charged with spending their money. It’s embarrassing now, and it was embarrassing when I was an earnest congressional candidate.

Amending the Constitution, part 29
29 June 2002

Well, I’m not one to leave well enough alone. People don’t run for office if they don’t think they have better ideas than the people who are already there, and on that score I am certainly no different.

There has been a great deal of talk for the last several years on the subject of Statehood for the District of Columbia. I think that that is a thoroughly awful idea. In addition to its microscopic geography, and complete lack of any practical resources, it is a hotbed of liberal Democratic sentiment. It would be bad enough to send two more Democrats to the US Senate, but the typical DC politician makes Senators like Tom Daschle and Paul Wellstone seem positively moderate. On the other hand, it remains a national embarrassment that half a million American citizens are denied a voice in the People’s House. The Twenty-third Amendment, which granted DC residents three Electors for President was a small step in the right direction, but Statehood would be a huge step in the wrong direction.

In the interests of full disclosure, I think now would be a good time to point out that I am in favor of Statehood for Puerto Rico. It is long overdue. Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, or Green, two new delegates from America’s last colony deserve their place in the United States Senate. (But Senator Marion Berry? Senator Jesse Jackson? Please. We might as well elect Senator Fidel Castro or Senator Robert Mugabe.)

On the other hand, the people of DC, and also those of Guam, Saipan, Samoa, , and all across the Pacific deserve their voice in the government. Toward that end, then, I propose that DC cash in its three Presidential Electors (as granted by the Twenty-third Amendment), in favor of a more equitable arrangement for all Americans outside of the Several States.
To wit:

Territorial Suffrage Amendment

Section IThe twenty-third article of amendment to the Constitution of the United States is hereby repealed.

Section II: The House of Representatives shall be composed of Members chosen every second year by the People of the Several States, and of the District constituting the seat of Government of the United States, and of all Possessions, Provinces, Commonwealths, and Territories subject to the jurisdiction of the United States.

Section III: Representatives shall be apportioned among the Several States, and among all Districts, Possessions, Provinces, Commonwealths, and Territories according to their respective numbers, counting the whole number of Persons in each State, District, Possession, Province, Commonwealth, or Territory. For purposes of apportionment, the Congress shall have the power to consolidate the populations of any Provinces, Commonwealths, or Territories subject to the jurisdiction of the United States, but not of the Several States, nor of the District constituting the seat of Government of the United States.

Section IV: All Districts, Possessions, Provinces, Commonwealths, and Territories subject to the jurisdiction of the United States shall appoint, in such manner as Congress may direct, a number of Electors for President and Vice President equal to the whole number of Representatives to which they are entitled, and they shall be considered, for the purpose of the election of the President and the Vice President, to be Electors appointed by a State.

Do I think this will quell the campaign for DC Statehood? Not likely. Nevertheless, it is still the right thing to do. From the Marianas to the Virgin Islands, all Americans deserve to be heard. Taxation without representation is tyranny. For that matter, taxation with representation isn’t so terrific either, but at least this way people will have a little more say in their own destiny.

update 180128: There may be a few more years of life left to the Grand Confederacy. To comfort its passing, and to spare ourselves the danger of its death throes, I like to offer notions to mitigate the offenses of democracy. For one, let’s blow up the Congress! (No Madonna, I don’t mean with dynamite, I mean with Reps.). Presently one congressmember “represents” about three quarters of a million of us. Expanding their ranks to (at least) a thousand would bring them each closer to their constituents. In fact, let’s make that the minimum formula.
Give me a few weeks to tweak the language, but the gist:

The Congress shall consist of one thousand Representatives, and upon the admission of each new State, that number shall be increased by twenty Representatives, the sum to be apportioned among the several States, Districts, Possessions, Provinces, Commonwealths, and Territories according to their numbers as provided by law.

update 210201: I continue to believe that Puerto Rico deserves their places in the Senate (or their independence), even as I recognize the obvious advantage that it gives the Democrat party. To that I say, “I’ll see your two Puerto Rican Senators, and raise you eight Texans!”

Don’t confuse that “29th Amendment” up there with the more dystopic model presented in my recent novel, The H.E.R.O. Act. Get it now!
The HERO Act – The Greigh Area

Sixteen Year Old Coffee

5 February 2022

In my freezer is about a half-liter of six-year-old coffee. Well, not quite six years old, not until the 20th of June. It was inspired by a brilliantly hilarious cartoon, possibly by Skip Williamson. I’m not sure, as it remains in Bud’s possession. I do recall, however, that it was done in the graphic style of Williamson’s “Snappy Sammy Smoot.”

The joke is presented as a two-panel seriagaph. The first panel shows “Sammy” declaring that he likes his women just like he likes his coffee. The second panel shows smilin’ Sammy slurping his cup and saying, “Sixteen years old!”

I had originally thought about saving that half liter of frozen coffee for another decade, just to test the premise. Adolescence may be long behind us, but our recollections of sixteen and seventeen year-old girls (who looked convincingly like women at the time) are still quite vivid. I thought perhaps that Bud and I could do a test when the time came to see if sixteen-year-old coffee measured up to Sammy’s comparison.

That seems less likely now, in light of my recent dismissal and impending relocation. I am not going to try to move a block of ice from Ohio to Texas, and I have my doubts that Bud remains as committed to the joke as I was when I first put it in the freezer.

update 230305: A year and many miles later, it is now seven years old (and counting). Said block remains safely frozen in Westexas. It turns out I’m sentimental and weak (who could guess?) and a half kilogram was small enough a load to fit into my cooler with all the other goodies I’d packed. It sat in L’Historienne’s freezer for a few months until she fetched it up to me here in Geezer Tower. Perhaps once Bud’s shed whatever’s still riding him, we can revisit some fun. There’s almost ten years left to sort this shit out. I remain optimistic — unless that jab does him in first!