Love’s Losses

9 February 2022

My brother fell in love with hating Donald Trump, and it’s squeezed out many of his other loves. This mystifies me, because while I have no doubts about Mr Trump’s worthiness of disapproval, I remain baffled as to what made him significantly more hateful than the mass murdering sociopaths who inhabited the White House before and after him. Strictly based on body count, he may have been the least awful President since Jimmeh Carter. Now that the “evil orange monster” is out of office, you’d think he’d check back on his beloved hatred a little, but it must be an intoxicant too powerful to quit.

Mrs Axis seems to have fallen in love with fearing WuhanFlu™ and it’s squeezed out many of their other loves. This mystifies me, because, while I have no doubts about the dangers of the coronae, I remain baffled as to what made these significantly more dangerous than the seemingly endless varieties of coronae and influenzae, and indeed, all respiratory viri who inhabited our biome before them. Strictly based on body count, it may have been the equal to the Spanish, or Hong Kong, or Swine flus. Now that more accurate data are available, you’d think she’d check back on her cherished fears a little, but it must be an intoxicant too powerful to quit.
If only I, and the ideals we supposedly shared, were half as intoxicating.

Unhappy Anniversaries

210106 — The Capitol Hill Ruckus and murder of Ashli Babbitt

210109 — Singled Down (detached, dejected, rejected, and rescinded)

190717 — All them issues, All them feelings: A relay event wherein the Baton of My Perpetual Failure is passed from the hand of “it’s your own fault for not talking to us” to the hand of “how could you say such a thing?

We Might As Well Be Jews


Throughout history, poverty is the normal condition of Man. Advances which permit this norm to be exceeded… are the work of an extremely small minority, frequently despised… and almost always opposed by all right-thinking people. Whenever this tiny minority… is driven out of society, the people then slip back into abject poverty.
This is known as ‘bad luck’.”
— Robert Heinlein, 1973

24 January 2019

My step-father insisted that I remain stupid in his presence. “Don’t get smart with me, boy!” He once swore to me that “if it’s the last thing I do I’m going to slap that smart mouth right off your face!” Fifty years later he’s out of the picture, and I’m still a mouthy prick. He tried. He really tried, but I could never measure up. But really, this was supposed to be about the Jews, and why we all hate them.

Jews are too smart. Cain’t trust them smart people. Them smart people is up to no good. Alla time trine ta shove their safety, efficiency, hygiene, leisure, and abundance down our throats. Somethin’s gotta be done!” Bigots have been on to us for centuries. History and literature are replete with references to “the inscrutable Oriental” and “cunning Japs” and “sneaky, crafty, conniving Jews.” All of these (except perhaps for “sneaky” which may just mean “light of tread” or “careful of step”) are simply ways of saying, “They’re smarter than us!”

Why are little negro girls beaten up by their classmates? The excuses betray a theme. “Da bitch ax for it,” and “She cray, she think she better’n us,” and, of course, that most egregious offense of all, “’Cause she ac’ white!”

What does that mean, to “ac’ white”? It appears to refer mainly to those children who speak clearly, dress neatly, attend to their studies, and are generally deferential (if not respectful) to their instructors. It’s a pity more “white” children (and alleged adults) don’t “ac’ white.” Know whum sane?

It’s almost like an unconscious admission that (on average) “white” people are smarter than “black” people, and “Jews” are smarter than “white” people by about a standard deviation each. The classmates’ reaction is a visceral reflexive defense against anyone acting out of place or above his station. As if scholastic achievement were a betrayal of one’s “people” or “kind.“

Don’t blame me for these data. (Or Charles Murray or James Watson.) It was the US military that conducted these psychometric examinations upon thousands of applicants over several generations. (I was one of those applicants, and I apologize for skewing the average.) Their point of view was not Jim Crow, nor Louis Farrakhan, nor Kumbaya. The military’s main mission is murder and mayhem. Unless directed to by a bleeding-heart Congress, they care very little for your delicate little feelings or your ardent racial pride.

Norm MacDonald says that David Letterman is the smartest comic he knows. I know OF Letterman, and of other comics, but I don’t know any personally, so I’ll take Norm’s word for it. I like Letterman, and I think he’s funny, but he doesn’t come across to me as extra smart. In fact, his dumb-guy schtick, and his apparent dumb-guy ethos, are a big part of his act. “Nobody likes a smart comic,” says MacDonald, and I disagree. I LOVE smart comics, and many have been successful (George Carlin, Dennis Miller, Mort Sahl, Lenny Bruce, Dave Smith, Margaret Smith) but none of them can summon the size of the audience that Letterman, Jim Carrey, Carrot Top, or Gallagher might. (Perhaps Norm meant ALMOST nobody. If so, he should say so.)

The Bush family is not stupid. They are evil, wicked, shallow, vain, and cruel, but they are not stupid. Dubya ( “lahk his Daddeh” ) is a Yale graduate, and yet he pronounces nuclear “nuke ya lurr.” His base eats it up. His major competitors, HALGOR 9000 and John Kerry, are both widely perceived to be of rarified intellect (they are not) and of an elite and effete class (they are.) Dubya was elected twice. He’s jus’ a good ol’ boy. And while he is a talented painter, he doesn’t seem to know how to hold a hammer. I believe he’s a clever guy who found a winning formula for success.

My father once told me that he was an Adlai Stevenson man two cycles in a row. “He had every thinking man’s vote,” he said. “Unfortunately it takes a majority.”

update 200828 — Defending the Curve

Working at the QuikkStopp-by-the-Interstate™ provided an opportunity to test Murray’s bell curve, cited above. One of my duties every shift was to mop the floor, and as an aid to protect our bottom line from lawsuits we were provided with “Caution, Wet Floor” signs. I had no way of knowing when or whether customers would come in, so I would mop in stages, blocking off the wet sections with the signs. Doing so, I would often carve out a dry path from the door to the till. Some customers would take the trouble to step over or around the signs and tread across the wet section to get to the till that was closed, while most would take the easier path to the till that was open. I believe that this is an objective test of stupidity, albeit with a limited sample, so errors could be substantial.

Who’s dumber, on average? Chance should show the proportions of stupid behavior as more or less equal to demographic representation. Is it really true that “whaht people’re smarter’n them nigras?” In Greater Cincinnatistan, the population breaks down approximately as follows: Pink People 75%, Brown People 20%, and Clearly Asian People 5%. Over the course of a couple of years, I kept track of who took the extra effort to go to the wrong till. That was my working definition of “stupid,” and this is what I saw, a total of 93 pinhead transgressors, as follows:

Pink Male: 48, Pink Female: 9, Total Pink People: 57/93 = 61.3%
Brown Male: 21, Brown Female: 9, Total Brown People: 30/93 = 32.3%
Asian Male: 6, Asian Female: 0, Total Asian People: 6/93 = 6.5%

Based on larger, more comprehensive studies, I should have expected fewer Asians to unnecessarily tread on the wet floor, but again, mine is a very small sample, so anomalies are naturally exaggerated.

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Medicare for All?

25 November 2018

Correspondent BA reports that new “Health and Human Services” Secretary Alex Azar made his fortune selling insulin, and that his erstwhile confederates are presently under investigation for “price fixing.”

In response I reiterate the argument that we’d be better off abolishing HHS. It would certainly be a more satisfying solution than fretting over who is at its helm. Regulatory capture is the very story of legislative activism and empty-headed do-goodism. The Rainbows and Puppies Act never quite works out the way the Great Unwashed expect.

IF Azar is a thief, I am delighted to learn it. Recognizing that he would be in no position to abolish the office, but instead could use it to mulct tax victims, I still contend that the corrupt, in their natural desire to avoid exposure, tend to do less damage than do-gooders. Short of shutting down the office I opt for the prudent scoundrel over the committed true-believer.

Never say Nephite?

29 January 2019

Correspondent TK claims that “liking Mormons is a whole heckuva a lot easier than liking many a secular.”
Correspondent SA agrees, and includes Jehovah’s Witnesses as well, then suggests that “Trinitarians are the worst.”

While I don’t share SA’s experience with Trinitarians (nor therefore his assessment) I am otherwise inclined to agree with both.
If I were so wired I’d be torn between the LDS and a theology of my own devising. Among human beings generally Mormons seem to me to be among the most civil and sincere, irrespective of their peculiar ideology. Among arrogant atheists I come across as a fairly decent fellow (I hope), but I’m nowhere near as nice as most Mormons.

I’m either willing to engage proselytes when they show up, or politely brush them off, depending on my mood.

I was outside my house one afternoon in Kawaihae Village when a couple of “Elders” showed up. (“Elders” who, from the looks of them, may have been shaving for about three weeks.) I told them up front that I was an atheist materialist who had actually read the Book of Mormon, and that if they wanted to they could hang out and we could wash my car while we entertained each other. They both rolled up their sleeves and tucked their ties into their collars and we set to. It turns out we didn’t talk all that much about the New World Testament after all. I was clearly conversant and not buying any of it, and they were too smart to continue laboring fruitlessly. Instead we talked mostly about the city” of Corvallis and Oregon State University — my own alma mater, and one of theirs as well.

It was simply a lovely time, and I was grateful for their help and they were grateful for the cold drinks and we were all grateful for the beautiful day and each other‘s company.

Interlac Arithmetic Makes No Sense


29 January 2019

Interlac, the putative lingua franca of 30th & 31st century United Planets’ (and larger) known space, is loads of fun! We know that it isn’t a “real” language. It isn’t even code. It’s English, couched in your basic symbol substitution cipher. But its presence in panel backgrounds gives the stories an additional other-worldly flavor. For those of us who are so motivated, reading the “hidden” messages provides even more entertainment. The presence of Interlac, like any other “Oestre Egg,” should never detract from the story, nor materially contribute to the plot or action. For those with the wit to pick them up, however, these “eggs” can provide a lot of extra fun!

Interlac numerals, as originally presented, are a problem. The first three make sense, but after that they break down. Since Legion stories are literary events, and not mathematical treatises, the silly numerals were a tiny problem, if any problem at all. Still, they are inelegant and inconsistent and an affront to obsessive math geeks. The apparent similarities between the Interlac 6,7,42,and 43, for example, betray fundamental flaws.

My personal “retcon” solution is to assert that (in continuo) Interlac is derived from Coluan, and that their number system happens to be base four, or “quartal” rather than decimal or octal or hexagecimal. Serious (ly bent) arithmetricians often argue that bases twelve or sixteen offer greater computational efficiency than our own decimal system, and the field of datics bears this out, at least in re hex. I stipulate that Coluans, for whatever reasons of their own, developed a base four system, as presented above.

While “quartal” is as sound a construction as octal or decimal, I like “Quartalac,’ as it gives the name more of an Interlackian rhythm. Also, the extra weight helps it stand up to Hindu-Arabic’s superior syllabic firepower.

The English transliterations of the symbols shown are as follows:
One, two, tri, for, fyv, sik, sen, ayt, nyn, ten, leven, dozen, trizen, tetrin, pentin, sissin, sissin one, sissin for, sissin ayt, twosis, trissis,
sekki, tekki, trikki, qwarkay, haykay, sesqway, kay, twokay.

Symbols not shown are trikay and beyond. The alert reader can probably easily imagine the look of the trikay. For numbers larger than trikay sesqway trikki trissis pentin, the multiplier would appear above or to the left of the kay, there would be no multiplier inside, and the remaining sum less than kay would be below or to the right. For orders greater than kay we can look to the Interlac alphabet, and apply the same protocol of small enough multipliers inside the symbol, or blossoming out the left or top as needs be. Rather than spell out all 26 (sissin ten) letters, I’ll just say that the next three after kay — Mega (kay kay), Giga (mega mega), and Tera (giga giga) — should be both obvious and sufficient. Perhaps only the Coluans themselves (or Sardath of Rann) ever trouble with computing a Zillion.

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Privileged Elite Mob Assaults Lone Tribal Elder

26 January 2019

Prosecutor Preens While Jackals Slaver Over Fresh Carrion

That may be a little busy.

I appreciate the pains that headline writers take to come up with expressions that snare readers’ attention, draw them into the story, even tell part of the story, but still leave them eager for more.

Also, I don’t know for a fact that Mr Mueller is literally preening. I have no problem with the jackal comparison, of course, in light of the media’s recent disgraceful treatment of the young gentlemen from Covington, but I should probably not refer to Mr Stone as “carrion.”
I also like —

Privileged Elite Mob Assaults Lone Tribal Elder

That one is a lot more defensible. After all, the FBI themselves claim to be among the best of the best. You know, “Fidelity, Bravery, Integrity” and all that jazz (though some of their detractors have referred to them as a [Sexually active] Bunch of Idiots), so you bet! Plenty elite! And privileged? Who’s more privileged than the FBI? Not only do they get to wave around cool guns that you can’t, but they also get to kill people. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Just because Lon Horiuchi can murder Sammy and Vickie Weaver doesn’t mean that you can get away with that kind of nonsense. Now THAT’s privilege! Also, they’ll lie to you just for the fun of it with complete impunity, but if you misremember the ingredients in your sandwich last Thursday you can look forward to prison romance. Maybe “Mob” is a little unfair. These guys are pros, so they’re generally more organized than the rest of us. Still, when you’re outnumbered by about twenty-seven to one, it does feel a bit like being mobbed.

Hmmm… Even if Mr Mueller is not actually preening, it was still a pretty hefty show of force, and it left the breast-beaters and pearl-clutchers in the steno-media singing his praises.
Ah! Of course! I’ve got it! (Inspired by Charles Atlas):

Thug Flexes, Chicks Swoon

On Getting Paid for Two Weeks of Enjoyable Training — and then “Failing” the Drug Test

14 December 2009

Dear Mrs Alias,

How unfortunate that you would deny yourself an employee of unwavering integrity and immense vigor due to your misguided allegiance to a campaign of bigotry, cruelty, and irrationality. It saddens me that people who would promote respect and dignity for even the most disadvantaged would undermine such laudable goals by rejecting applicants on the basis of their peaceful lifestyle.

I commiserate with your plight, but I do not apologize.

A decent respect for the opinions of my fellow persons (to paraphrase Mr Jefferson) demands that I articulate my motives in misdirection and guile. When asked if I would pass the probable drug screening process, I responded in the affirmative. How can I possibly square such an obvious lie with my claim of honor? One conveniently Clintonian explanation is to stretch the definition of the verb “to pass.” If I did not “pass” a sample, then you would lack the ability to infer from it my private behavior. However, as entertaining as such wordplay might be, it is neither useful nor informative.

Here are my points: As an unrelenting optimist, I wanted to give you every opportunity to come to your senses before you backed yourself into a corner. Also, as an accessory to a crime, by which I mean the assaults on personal sovereignty inherent in the “War on (some) Drugs”, you deserved to be inconvenienced. Deception, or even violence, are perfectly legitimate tactics in the constant struggle against evil. Of course, as a committed coward, I prefer to avoid violence. Furthermore, because you clearly labor under powerful misconceptions, you must be confronted with strong counter-examples to the popular stereotype of the irresponsible and unmotivated stoner. Beyond my personal pride in achievement and mental acuity, I am endlessly amused by the thought of people being inspired to wrestle with their souls. Truth remains the great liberator of the mind, and I hope that I have helped, in my own small way, to lead you from the darkness.

update 190125: I kinda ducked a bullet on this job prospect. It could have meant dealing with some extremely challenging people — not evil or vicious, necessarily, but a little slow and easily confused or frightened. Nevertheless, it was a good enough offer to pursue. I’d even begun to develop a nice cordial relationship with my trainer Mrs Alias. It’s amazing how easy it is to win your way into my heart when you act like you think I’m smart and funny.
Well, so much for Me and Mrs Alias havin’ a thing goin’ on…

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